Life in Transition

P.S. I forgot my lunch today.

2011-09-22T10:39:00.005-04:00

Ever have those days where its a small victory to make it to work in one piece?

That's me everyday.

Sometimes I feel like I need an iPhone App that cheers every time I do a normal thing correct.

Put clothes on...all of them ( Hurrah!)

Brought my lunch today (Hurrah!)

Remembered where I parked my car (Hurrah!)

Apple, get on that App ASAP.

Maybe even after an especially challenging morning the App would alert all your appointments that day "Cameron has already accomplished so much beyond her usual power that she has the rest of the day off!" Go home, today has been a feat already! Congratulations.

No, but seriously ya'll....I really think there is a part of my brain that didn't develop...EVER. God must have been distracted when He was creating me and left a part out. That, or my mother ate too many rainbow Popsicles during development.

Today I ran out the door and left my purse.

How many years have I been carrying my purse? Oh, at least 10. But nope, this is the second time in two weeks I've forgotten it. Today I remembered as I was driving away; not so lucky last week.

I use to HATE carrying a purse when I was younger, so I think there are remnants of my 13 year old self who still refuses to believe I use a purse.

She wins on occasions.

Decided to cook dinner for my "family" out here. Bought all the groceries during my lunch break and reminded myself 10 times "Cam, don't forget to grab the groceries before you leave!"

Got all the way home...no groceries. I was babysitting so I had to take the baby, who we lovingly call "Bug", and had to drag her all the way to work. We were locked out so had to bang on someones window to let me in. Don't worry, I'd totally let a frazzled girl with a baby on her hip into the office building ...wouldn't you?

Had a Tri race this past weekend. I was putting on my wetsuit and realized I had put my sports bra on inside out *sigh*

It makes me slightly worried for my future kids...

There's already a running joke amongst my college friends that my kids will probably never wear shoes and will resemble Pig Pin from Peanuts and be perpetually followed by a looming cloud of dust.

I'm sorry kids.

These tendencies of mine make me fear the worst for my future, and thus I have decided to write small letter to my future kids. For those of you that know them one day, please remind them that their mother loves them and can't help that she is forgetful. You can tell them that I've always been this way.

Dear Future Children,

I'm sorry I put leashes on you. I will pay for the counseling you will probably need from the psychological damage that caused. Know that it wasn't because I was worried you would run away, but because I was afraid I would forget or lose you.

Love always,

Your Scattered Brained Mother

Home

2011-07-25T18:39:00.012-04:00

Today I miss home. Georgia.

I know that home never stays the same. People are coming and going. Friends change. People get married. People move. Jobs transfer. However, there are those periods of time the Lord is kind and allows us to spend time, years, with people we love. We grow together. We laugh and cry. They know us; the good, the bad, and the weird.

Today is one of those days where I miss those moments. Those people.

Since I've been gone two of my best friends have gotten engaged.

Katie has had a special place in my heart since we shared an epic experience at a Christmas party back at UGA. After exam studying, a remainder of a bagel, and 4 years later not many can make me laugh like she can; or see deep into who I am. She's marrying my best friend from high school, and it makes me sad that I've missed her entire engagement.

Jamie is the pea in my pod. She's my cradle to grave friend. We've been friends for almost 20 years now. We've seen each other through the awkward middle school years, laughed our way through highschool and even followed each other to college, where I'm pretty sure we laughed harder. She was my dearest friend through those changing years. We even lived together after college when we tried to figure out what being a grown up looked like! I remember when she first met her fiance and how he wanted to "train" with us for our Triathlon. That was just the beginning for them. I have the blessing of being the maid of honor in her wedding and wish I could be with her leading up to her big day.

Mary and Patrick bought a new house! They were some of my first college friends and were such crucial people in my life during and after college.

I've had friends lose loved ones and not been able to hug their tears away.

Christina has had a baby. I never got to see her pregnant, but I know she was beautiful! And now I know she is a beautiful mother. I can't wait to meet her little Isa.

My brother is back from traveling Central America. I'll get to see him come October, but it will have been 8 months since I saw him last. That's the longest I've ever gone without seeing him in his 23 years.

These are the things that break my heart.

Life continues on after you leave, and I hate that I'm missing so many significant moments in the lives of people I love.

I know God has called me out here for now and I'm excited to see his plan unfold, but that doesn't mean this road is without tears or homesickness.

Today I miss the smell of Georgia clay after the rain.

I miss driving down country roads in Athens and sitting on the back porch during warm summer nights.

I miss being 30 minute drive from 99% of the people that I love the most.

I miss being able to hug family.

I miss lightning bugs and stormy afternoons.

I miss water and time at the lake.

I miss seeing UGA stickers.....I even miss seeing FL stickers. (sad right?)

I miss laughing till the tears come with people that know me the most.

I miss my church.

I miss the comfort of things that are known and familiar.

I miss the South.

I miss my mom's home cooked meals and being able to spend time with family.

I miss being able to talk about cities, roads, and people and having others know exactly who/what I'm talking about.

I miss the people I've known for years.

I miss home.

God's Entertainment

2011-06-21T14:33:00.004-04:00

Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole...hand someone a shovel and let them bury me.

I also think God is cruel...and that sometimes when He needs entertainment He removes all grace from my life, grabs some popcorn, yells for Michael and then they both sit back and watch.

I'm God's "How I Met Your Mother." or "Friends".
Yes. God would watch Friends, not Seinfeld. Just ask him.

Both my parents and the guy I'm dating's parents were in town this week. They missed each other by a DAY (high five, that was some excellent planning). Mine were out here to visit me since I've moved out to Colorado, and my boyfriends parents were moving his sister out here.
Anyway, it's been a fun week. Lots of laughter, horror stories from childhood, and several embarrassing moments.

It was fun having him meet my parents.

It was my worst nightmare meeting his.

Remember, I have no mental filter ( Word Vomit ) These are the things I have to worry about when meeting important people that haven't grown up with me, and don't understand I can't help it that I put my foot in my mouth often.
So we met briefly the first night and it was very easy and relaxing! They have an amazing family. Very welcoming and easy to be around! Walked away thinking, "That went great!".

So you know after you take a test that was really hard and you crammed, studied, downed some Red Bull and spent 3 hours taking it? You run out of the room, with a strong fist pump and think to yourself "ACED IT!"
Then you make the biggest mistake possible. You start comparing answers and talking to others who took it too.
Big mistake. HUGE.
Don't talk to anyone. You can't change your grade...or your answers. So remain in blissful ignorance until your teacher hands your test back and gives you a look that makes you wonder if you failed...AND have cancer. That look is always the worst.
But I digress.....the point of the analogy is that's what happened to me. Thought I did awesome...then I started really thinking about it and suddenly I was nervous about hearing the report back.
My decision that night...BEST foot forward at dinner tomorrow night. I had this. Parent's usually loved me. Just needed to keep up the good work, and I'll have made it through with flying colors.
Enter God and the removal of grace.

That night at a very nice dinner I was telling a pleasant, harmless story about how on vacation I love to read on the beach.
Simple enough right?
Nope.
It's me. Nothing is simple.
I'm not sure whether I was talking to fast or my bad habit of talking in accents kicked in, but instead of "beach" I let his family know that "I love to sit on the b#$*h and read.
Yup, the b#$%h.
There it was. Cursed in front of his parents. There was no taking it back. It was on the table and I felt myself sinking into the booth and my mother dying back in Georgia.

And oh, they caught it. His dad then proceeded to make a joke, thankfully rescuing me from infinite embarrassment.
But, I didn't want them to leave dinner and remember me from that incident. So right after dessert I made sure to "schmear" chocolate fondue across my forehead.
Don't worry his sister caught that and followed it with a point and laugh.

Then the clouds opened up and God said "I hate you Cameron." (Little Rascal's quote)

A Brisk Day

2011-02-09T02:59:00.007-05:00

Cold.

Georgia can't touch Colorado cold.

I remember last month during snowpocalypse (What happens when Georgia gets 5 inches of snow and has only a few snow plows) I thought I knew what snow and cold weather was. We had walked in the snow to find firewood and had survived being snowed into our little Atlanta house for at least 3 days.
We were hardened Northerners. Professional Eskimos. We knew winter could be ugly, and we had finally gotten a taste of it below the Mason-Dixon line.

So wrong. So very wrong.

Enter Colorado.

Not even our second week out here we were getting temperatures lower than locals had seen in 14 years. (of course, right?)

My roommates and I cried reading the forecast: -14.

windchill..............-41.

-41! -41!! I didn't know that temperature existed! That's what we say when we're exaggerating in the South when we think it's cold outside.

"Is it cold out!?"

"YES! Gosh it's like -20 out there!" Real temperature: balmy 33 degrees.

When windchill is at -41 degrees your professors forbid you to run outside because your lungs can literally freeze. Not gonna lie, I'm thinking anyone stupid enough to WANT to run outside when it feels like this probably needs to die. Survival of the fittest anyone? I barely wanted to get out of bed, let alone go run in that madness.

At -41 degrees windchill your teeth hurt when you smile, therefore you stick to solely breathing out of your nose. Oh, but I forgot to mention, also at this temperature your nose hairs immediately freeze together. Both of these options being awkwardly uncomfortable usually results in people immediately starting to whine and cry upon first stepping outside trying to figure out how to function. You also run from your apartment to your car. At this temperature, you don't tend to linger long.

To make life more fun, Colorado snow doesn't lovingly drift towards the ground. This snow is angry and bitter and usually accompanied by intense horizontal winds that turn those cute snowflakes into death pellets. Just when you think -41 degrees can't get much worse.....having snow catapulted into your eye sockets doesn't feel that great either.

In all seriousness, it really has been pretty out here! Colorado for the most part has looked like an eternal Christmas card, or even a snow globe. It's gorgeous and peaceful. However, when those temps hit the negatives, snow globe turns to snow DEATH and suddenly I don't feel much like playing outside anymore.

On those days, we have found ways to entertain ourselves.......

Kansas

2011-01-24T00:37:00.003-05:00

Had a friend tell me today that he thinks God created America from West to East, and that somewhere in the middle He got worn out so He incorporated 500 miles of wasteland. Now that I've almost driven completely across that state I'd have to agree.
Creative wasteland.
Nothing but fields; not even cattle, just land. Perhaps an occasional frozen lake, maybe.
And man was it dark.
Some of the darkest dark possible; which happens when there's nothing.
I would look in my side view mirrors and only see blackness, then experience a minor panic attack that I've lost my vision only to remember that I'm fine, there are just no headlights as far as the eyes can see.
No highway lights.
No stars.
No one else.
No nothing.

Driving on a highway alone at 8 pm is an experience that is rare after living in Atlanta. All I could see was full moon reflecting off snowy Kansas fields.
I believed that if I stopped the car and unrolled my windows I could possibly hear miles and miles of silence.
It was beautiful.
These kind of road trips are relaxing to me. Conversation ebbs and flows with Lauren as we drive across the bread basket of America.
Subjects ranging from deep discussion on forgiveness and forgetting, to cookies and attractive country singers. Thoughtful reflections while blaring One Republic and Mumford & Sons and quickly skipping over Black Eyed Peas simply because three times in one hour was more than we could take.
Car dances would occur and once again fade into a random conversation that would take both of us drifting into what this new season would hold.
Promises of change.
Wiser choices.
More miles.
Embracing newness instead of locking our knees.
Adventure and laughter.

Depth would dissolve into hunger as we'd rummage for my grandmothers chocolate chip cookies, a traveling staple, and count the miles till Kansas City BBQ.
Pit stops were always at Cracker Barrel. Where else could you use the bathroom and experience childhood nostalgia? The perfect storm.
I came out of the restroom to find Lauren lost amongst the Yankee Candles, proudly stating, "I've smelled ALL of them. Now let me tell you which ones are great and why."

This is why I love Lauren. This is why she came on this trip. To get lost smelling candles in a Cracker Barrel in the middle of Kansas.

We spent ten minutes smelling them and naming what memory, holiday, food or person each one smelled like. One smelled like men's aftershave or body wash.
Clean. Crisp. Rugged.
We breathed deeply, then quickly shelved it mutually agreeing that smell was dangerous.
Others smelled of Thanksgiving, clean laundry, beach memories, and my personal favorite: a cozy fire in a log cabin.
Yes, that's a smell. Blend of wood, cinnamon, and all things warm.

We returned to the 4Runner, which has become an extension of our bodies due to the last 14 hours we've spent in it. Mumford & Sons is turned up, and we head back into the dark nothingness.
I don't mind it anymore. It's restful.
Creates space for contemplation, and allows peace to creep in.
Lauren reads chapters from a book that spawn interesting questions, and even deeper thought.
Black eyed peas gets changed again and we settle into the haunting, relaxing sound of Brooke Fraser.
Road trips can be simple.
Sometimes the choice to find joy in the simple things makes all the difference. Simple things like, darkness and Yankee candles.

amen

2010-12-08T12:49:00.004-05:00

Ahh...life is good.

God is better.

Amen.

-Katie Whitmire

Camping/Climbing Recap

2010-11-22T14:16:00.005-05:00

Had the opportunity to go camping with my brothers and some of their friends up in Tennessee! It was the best weather I've ever camped in. Went climbing at Leda and bouldering at LRC. This was my first time outdoor climbing...absolute blast! My spirit was so happy to just be outside all weekend enjoying this season!
Bullet thoughts from our trip:
- Tennessee is absolutely GORGEOUS this time of year. The mountains looked like Fruity Pebbles
-We went to the top of one of the mountains and just stopped the cars to look into the valley...the car was silent.
-There's something extremely easy and relaxing about being with boys. They're so flexible, low maintenance and always up for anything. I appreciate that about that gender!
-Never have I ever smelled something more rank than climbing shoes. The combo of foot sweat and the material makes for the most potent smell...similar to old cheese. I gagged and lost years from my life after smelling Harrison's.
-The beauty of camping is that you can feel gross and dirty but it's OK..because you're in the woods...and so is everybody else.
-I noticed there's a great camaraderie amongst other climbers. Everyone is extremely helpful and offers advice and encouragement on how to solve problems when climbing. I love when strangers are helpful and friendly...
-I love laughing till my side hurts...I really love laughing and watching other people lose it and tears stream down their face.
-Turkey bacon, although healthy, does NOT cook well in a pan while camping...Mike almost died of smoke inhalation and then almost killed those who bought the turkey bacon.
-Don't ever be the one who suggests turkey bacon.
-Pomegranates are not camping fruit. Delicious...but it will take you 20 minutes to eat. You will also end up with juice all over your face and hair.
-There are so many spiritual analogies in climbing:
Everyone climbs the same routes.
People use chalk so they don't lose their grip when climbing the boulders....this chalk leaves marks of how people have climbed before.
Routes you climb are called "problems" and you "solve" it when you reach the top of the climb.
You look at the "problem" and observe where the chalk is to best decide how to "solve" it based on what you know...and how you can see others have climbed.
You cannot climb alone.
Friends must spot you in case you fall and crash mats soften the blow to the ground.
Others encourage you as you climb. Reminding you of how strong you are....how you will complete the climb.
People help point out significant grabs and foot holds that they can see because they can see the whole rock....and you're sometimes too close to see.
When someone solves a problem, after hours of trying, everyone cheers and congratulates you!
Nothing feels better than finishing!
-Bouldering and life....very similar.
-It's great when you can have multiple ages spanning up to 8 years, but everyone can relate and enjoy each other.
-It was great to watch the older, experienced guys in the group lead everyone by example...and lead well.
-I wish I could bottle the smell of a campfire.
-Wal-mart makes the worlds largest marshmallows!! I couldn't play "Chubby Bunny" with even one in my mouth! Hank and Harrison managed 2....
-Cheeburger Cheeburger is the ONLY way to finish off a great weekend.
-It's amazing how sore your forearms can be....and your back, and abs, and triceps, and fingers! (list goes on ...)
-Nothing rejuvenates me more than spending a beautiful day outside enjoying creation....this weekend, we could not have asked for more! We came....we played....we laughed....we were exhausted.
Thank you Lord for blessings like this weekend.

Few things....

2010-11-03T16:13:00.005-04:00

I was tagged to do this by a dear friend Mary(http://newthingscoming.blogspot.com/). She's the kind of person that loves when you respond to this. It's her love language...along with hookahs, long walks, fuzzy navels, and most junk food. So Mary, since I love you.....

1. What actress would you want to play you in a movie?

Based on who I get told I "supposedly" look like.... probably Brittany Spears. However, since her ONE acting gig (Crossroads) was super successful, I'm fairly certain the movie would flop in theatres and go straight to DVD.
I would LOVE for Rachel McAdams to play me in a movie. She can play quirky characters and I think could handle my personality. However, looks wise, this would end up being similar to a PC Windows7 commercial, where the actors playing the flash backs look RIDICULOUS and nothing like the actual person.

I'm kinda OK with this.

2. Who is your favorite author and what is your favorite book by them?

Tricky question. Based on my childhood obsession with Anne of Green Gables, I would say L. M. Montgomery. I read all of those books! And yes, she wrote more than just Anne of Green Gables. I read them multiple times; dreamed about them; wanted to BE the character Anne. I even signed notes to my best friend growing up "Anne". Looking back, I'm going to agree that was very creepy, but the books obviously had a big impact on me.

3. Where would you go on a dream vacation?

Anywhere warm and tropical or that would involve an umbrella in my drink.
Or Greece.
Or Tuscany.
Definitely Saint Lucia....or any island with the name starting in "Saint"

4. What are you most afraid of?

On a non-realistic, nightmarish way...I'm terrified of being chased and not being able to get away. I have escape routes planned out in my head if I ever find myself feeling slightly threatened.

On a day to day basis, I'm afraid of wasting time and experiences. Going through something and missing the lesson, or the take away. Possibly missing what the Lord had for me in a certain experience.

5. If you could have all your friends on a deserted island, what are three things you would all do together?
Laugh
Probably play a wicked game of hide and go seek
Pretend we were on Survivor

6. What's something people don't know about you?

When I was in middle school, I loved to write. I wrote all the time.
I started to write a book (that I swore would be published) and with any spare time, I would lose myself in writing it. I have 3-4 journals FULL of those writings and carried them everywhere with me.
It's the perfect example of a middle school girl in written form. They also have so many spelling and grammatical errors it would make any English teacher CRY.
I never let anyone read it except for one of my friends, and occasionally my mother.

They are hidden at my parents house.

My mother threatens to read it at my wedding.

It may even sound very similar to Anne of Green Gables. (told you I loved that book)

7. What is your guilty pleasure?

In college I watched Stargate Atlantis (sci-fi TV show).
Maybe even all of the seasons on DVD.
My roommates found out and still mercilessly tease me.
*shame

Also, if given the opportunity, I would sit in a hot bath until my skin looked like a raisin; or shower till all the hot water is gone.
I love being in hot water. It's SO wasteful....but my favorite way to decompress and think.

Are you ready?

2010-10-08T11:27:00.007-04:00

What a loaded question. I've realized over the past couple weeks, we ask this question a lot.

Are you ready ........

to be married?
to have the baby?
to move?
to graduate?
to race?

My answer is usually "umm, no", especially in reference to the race I have on Sunday with several friends. The running theme in our emails tends to be "By the way, I'm not ready!"

The thing about life, events, changes, etc is that they are all unpredictable. We live in an ever changing, surprising world. We never know what will happen. Thankfully God is sovereign and with us. "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" Isaiah 41:10
But, that question still really made me think:

Are you ever ready for a race?
What does ready look like?
Am I ever really ready for anything?

I was READY for college. I was ready for the freedom, for the independence, for the memories, for growing up, for friends I would keep for a lifetime, for laughter that makes the tears come.
But I really wasn't ready.

I was not ready for:

studying for hours on end and not being able to "wing" a test.
the Freshman 15.
depression my Sophomore year.
heart break.
having friends die.
hard lessons that changed me forever.

or

such a sweet time of personal growth.
experiences that I will remember and cherish forever.
traveling to five different countries and "living" for a time in Costa Rica.
getting to know the Lord in the most real way I'd ever experienced.
laughing for two years straight with my roommates.

That's the interesting thing about changes and new seasons....you can never truely be ready. The more I've thought about it, I feel like the question "Are you ready" pertains to entering a state of mind where maybe you're not "ready" for the next step, but you're ready to move from where you are at present.

You may not be ready for marriage, but you're ready to be done with the restrictions and stress of engagement and the single life.
You're not ready for college, but you're ready to move past high school and it's limitations.
You're not ready to raise a child, but you're ready to be through with the discomfort of carrying a life inside of you for 9 months.
You're not ready for a race, but you're ready to be done with the pressure, time and energy it takes to train.

We're never ready for what's ahead because the possibilities are too endless! However, the unpredictability is what makes this life such a beautiful adventure! Life happens when you have pushed through the growing pains of one season, and although the future is unclear, you are intrigued and excited enough to take those steps and see what happens....come what may.

So, on a minor scale (my race) and major scale (life decisions) "Am I ready?"

No. But I'm excited to see what happens....

Word Vomit

2010-09-23T08:58:00.005-04:00

I tend to be someone who will accidentally say what they are thinking.

OK, maybe not on accident. But I will verbalize them before giving my brain a moment to proof read the words that are about to fly out of my mouth.

This lovely habit has been the root of many embarrassing stories. Stories my longest and dearest friends will be the first to make sure you've heard.

However, this weekend, I allowed my word vomit to happen in the hopes of rescuing me. For the first time ever, it didn't work!

I'll set the scene:

Athens on Game Day.

A man that is closer in age to my mother had been talking to my roommate and myself throughout the tailgate and afterwards while we were waiting to meet up with some other friends.

We had mutual friends so there was no ending these conversations.

After attempting to "hit on" my roommate, who has boyfriend, he then moved on to me.

Lucky me.

I had just spent the better part of 5 minutes letting this man know that I was not his type, and would BORE him to tears if he were to take me out. Never have I ever tried to make myself sound boring to someone before! But when you're not interested, suddenly you will tell someone ANYTHING to get them to leave you alone.

Sir, I have 10 cats.
Really??
Will it make you leave me alone?
Maybe.
Then yes. I have 10 cats. They all sleep with me, and I call them all Kitty.
(Next time I'll try this approach.)

But I digress....

He was 40 going on 23. Also, not in the least bit close to having qualities of a guy I would go to dinner with.

At this point I'm getting desperate.

He is not getting the idea. He's draping his arm around my shoulder. I send "Help ME!" eyes to my friends, but alas, they are watching the TN v. FL game.

The music is loud. No one could even probably hear my cries for "Help" if I wanted to send out a verbal signal!

And that's when it happens. Life throws me a bone. The word vomit and habit of RIDICULOUS things happening to me provides an out!

This is how the last conversation transpires: (Remember, music is LOUD)

"You really need to get over this whole 'age' thing" - guy

" AIDS??? What AIDS thing??"- me

"When did we start talking about AIDS?" -me

"Do YOU have AIDS!!??" -me

(At this point it hits me. I just asked almost a complete stranger probably the most personal question there is. Likelihood of offending him: High. My next thought....GOOD!)

"NO! Not AIDS.....AGE!" - guy

I'm sure that he will leave me alone now. I just asked this guy if he had AIDS. I'm saved! No one recovers from that kind of question.

"You're not leaving here without giving me your number."- guy

Sigh. Word Vomit FAIL. Seriously sir?? I just asked you if you have AIDS.

5 minutes later I left.

I gave no one my number.

One day I will write a book. This story will be in it. Along with so many others that I only wish I could blog about.
But why ruin the surprise?

"Forever Young"

2010-09-16T13:15:00.019-04:00

Myrtle Beach 2010

May the good Lord be with you

Down every road you roam.

And may sunshine and happiness

Surround you when you're far from home.

May you grow to be proud

Dignified and true

And do unto others

As you'd have done to you.

Be courageous and be brave

And in my heart you'll always stay

Forever young.

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there in their midst."

Matthew 18:20

Midtown, thank you for the fellowship, encouragement, love, laughter, and the joy of staying young at heart!
until next trip....

Ode to my Boys

2010-09-10T09:00:00.011-04:00

They say to fully understand someone, you have to know where they came from.

Me, I'm the oldest of 4. The oldest of three younger brothers. Three younger brothers with strong, crazy, boy personalities. I've always told people that once you met my family, you'd understand.

My poor mother. I'm sure she tried, prayed, cried over trying to make sure I grew up some what feminine. There's only so much you can do when you're surrounded by boys all the time. When other girls were having tea parties and playing dress up I was rolling down our yard in giant refrigerator boxes, drawing beards on with my mothers eye liner pencil, and building forts that rivaled Fort Sumter. Our version of dress up was putting on my dad's clothes, which swallowed us, and then stuffing the extra room with pillows pretending to be fat people. Then we would eat cheesy poofs and wander around the house completely amused by ourselves.

My mother tried her hardest to protect the little girl inside of me that was emotionally squished due to the amount of testosterone that I grew up with. My bows always matched my dresses, and oh, there were ALWAYS bows. My hair was curled, when she figured out how to manage it, and my socks had frills that covered my entire shoe.

However....

Currently my toe nail is a lovely shade of violet charcoal. I would name it "violent midnight" if I had to pick some sort of weird, eclectic nail polish color.

Did I get a pedicure?

Nope.

Dropped my brothers kayak on it......3 months ago.

Mom, you did well. I can throw on a little black dress and wear heals with the best of them. However, if you know me at all, you know I'm ten times more "Cam" in Chacos, athletic clothes (preferably spandex), and wandering somewhere outside.

I blame this partly on him.

Oldest of my brothers and someone I could spend hours upon days at a time with and never grow tired of. He loves adventure and the outdoors just as much as I do and does a great job of calling me into it more. He'll be competing in his first Triathlon with me in October!

And these are the other two. They're just as crazy, and jacked.

We've gone shooting with semi automatics....

Climbed on the roof during a lightning storm to watch the splendor race across the sky.

Rolled kayaks in the pool. (also during a thunderstorm. Mom really hates when we do this)

Almost wrecked snowmobiles in Jackson Hole....

Mastered the art of racing sleeping bags down the basement stairs.

Ridden big wheels down a side walk and off the dock into the lake.

and countless other crazy memories...

As I've gotten older I've realized just how much I appreciate the crazy, boy dominated, adventuresome family I grew up in. It played such a huge part in who I am, and also the things I enjoy now. So, thank you brothers. Thank you for playing a huge part in who I am today by being who you are! Life wouldn't be as fun or as wonderful without you!

Love,
Sister Bear

L to R: Parker (aka P-Rimz), Mitchell (Mitchy Man), Harrison (Brother Bear)

Dear Sir

2010-08-25T11:49:00.002-04:00

Dear Sir in tight, small, yellow sophie shorts,
I respect your self expression via your work-out out fit. However, it makes me uncomfortable that your shorts are so vibrant, and also shorter than my own. When paired with your black tank top, I will agree you would make most Tech fans very happy and you slightly remind me of a chubby bumble bee. However, us being in a class like Body Pump where there is movement and stretching involved, your outfit tends to make me slightly nervous. Also, yellow shows sweat stains debatably worse than grey....

I fear that if there was an "incident" it would be something I would possibly need therapy for later; therapy I can't afford at the moment.

I also fear, that your shorts will be something I would have to tell my future husband about as a part of my "past".

I fear that you would show up to Yoga in this outfit, and in that case, I could run crying from the room.

I fear that the other men in our class will think "What a great idea! Sophie Shorts!" and that trend will catch on and then I will have to Body Pump with a blind fold on. Perhaps it would be yellow so that I would match everyone else.

These are my thoughts. Know that I write this letter in utter and complete respect....and also fear, as stated above. Please take my concerns into consideration the next time you select your Body Pump shorts.

Sincerely,
Monday Night Body Pump Class Attendee

Yoga

2010-07-18T12:57:00.006-04:00

So many people think yoga is a peaceful, spiritual experience. These are my thoughts during yoga class and why I do not get closer to the Lord during this time:

How many downward dogs are we going to do?

Chataranga down to upward dog....chataranga to downward dog.....what is this a dance move??

This feels inappropriate...and probably looks inappropriate

Man the guys next to me are sweating a lot...

Should I be sweating?

Why am I not sweating?

I cannot physically do this position...my legs was not meant to bend this way!!

Oh no the instructor is coming over to correct my form!

This hurts!

No Chuck, that didn't feel good...please put my hips back where they belonged!!

My mat is too close to Jamie's.

If she falls over, she's going to sit on my head.

Hope she doesn't have indigestion.

Hope I don't have indigestion!

Yes I will attempt the headstand position!! Now this I can do!

Oh I can't do this!!

Whops...my shirt is falling down over my head...this is inappropriate.

Wait, every guy here is gay. Never mind.

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

Jamie looks hilarious.

*giggles

I look hilarious.

*giggles.

Pretty sure our instructor does not appreciate the humor we find in Bird of Paradise.

Namaste.

Unfailing Love

2010-07-01T09:43:00.002-04:00

What would happen if you knew you were truly and deeply loved? Not liked, not tolerated, not forced; but out of choice, no strings attached, head over heals, deeply loved.
You'd walk with confidence. You'd live freely knowing that there was someone who intimately knew you and all your hang ups and loved you in spite of them.
There was nothing you could do to change that love. Nothing you could do or say to make them love you more or less.
It was an unselfish love. Love expecting nothing in return. Love with no conditions. That kind of love is powerful. That love protects. That kind of love would want only good things for you.
I have never loved like this. I will try over and over, but my imperfect human nature will foul me up every time.
We've all heard this before. That's only a love the Lord can have for us. If I had a quarter for every time I heard "God loves you" growing up....well, I would never work again. We even had a catchy song to help us remember:
Jesus loves me this I know.

But yesterday I realized...I know, but does that mean I believe it? Truly believe? Truly trust that?
My hairstylist said something super profound this week to me, I don't think he realized how hard it really hit me. We were talking about listening to the Lord and he said, "You can listen to someone but not really hear them. Listening and hearing are two different things."
So is knowing and believing.
I KNOW 6 cups of coffee isn't good for me...but I obviously don't believe it because I still drink close to 5 daily.
I KNOW too much sun can give you cancer...but I don't truly believe that or I'd wear higher SPF than 15.
I BELIEVE drugs are bad....I don't do them.
I BELIEVE exercise is necessary to stay healthy.....so I run.

I KNOW God loves me.....but I must not believe it fully or the way I live my life would reflect that totally different.

On the drive home yesterday, Lord was just revealing to me why I struggle in that area. It's a holy love...and unfailing love...and my simple human mind cannot grasp a love without mess ups or I'm sorry...or pain. We've all been hurt by people who love us. We're human.
Read in Psalms, and almost every time it talks about God's love for us the word "unfailing" comes before it. Unfailing by definition means: everlasting, inexhaustible, infallible. not liable to fail.

I realize I live my life thinking God's love will fail for me. Eventually I'll exhaust Him enough...screw up too much....etc etc and it will change how He loves me.
Heard Him say "If you simply understood the depth of my love for you, you would live so much more free"
There's so much rest in that kind of love. No need to worry, someone who loves me more than anything is sovereign and in control. He wants good things for me. He has good works planned for those that love him. Because of His love for me, I can love others without expecting or needing anything from them. Believing and accepting that kind of love and really walking in that would result in a life so poured out. How much more could he do through me if I truly understood His heart and desire for me?
My job: Receive this love. believe this love. return His love...and my favorite part: rest in this love which results in living/sharing/pouring out freely into others...

Benediction by Jimmy Needham always reminds me of this, the ultimate act of love:
"Hanging out for 6 hours. Marred beyond recognition
In complete submission to his fathers will still
A proclamation was made,
Louder than the loudest temptation
with more beauty than all his creation
more eternal than eternity
more angelic than the heavenlies.
It. is. Done.
You were bought with blood.
Accept and rejoice for freedom has come."

Unexpected

2010-06-23T16:15:00.003-04:00

I miss the country. Living in the city is amazing....but finding time to get away from everything is harder than it was when I lived in Athens. In college, (this wasn't super smart!) I use to drive out to the open farm land after getting off at Jittery Joes. This was usually sometime after 11 or close to midnight, and would just park my car in a field and lay on the hood and watch the stars. I've always loved watching the stars. It takes a lot of time and patience so sit there and just stare at the sky...waiting for something to shoot across the night sky. I did this a lot during winter months and would keep giant blankets in my trunk in case an impromptu moment called and I found myself driving to the end of Milledge to my claimed plot of farm land.
I had so many nights of awesome alone time with the Lord...praying...blasting Sean McDonald from inside the car and singing at the top of my lungs. Beauty of the country, you can't bug anyone out there with the music...or with my singing! Spending time in nature is just one of those things for me that just rejuvenates my soul...I feel closer to the Lord. Not sure if it's because all of life's biggest distractions are far from my access, or because nature is just so beautiful...or because of the quiet that comes.
Honestly, I think college was the last time I was able to do that. However, a few weeks ago I went up to the mountains with some friends to spend some time hanging out. A random drive in the truck to see a reservoir turned into an awesome adventure as the night crept in. Everyone seemed in need of just being outside and driving in the country. The drive in the back of the truck bed alone was amazing...wind blowing....too fast to really talk....and the scenery was too pretty to miss anyway!
We randomly stopped at a big open field on our way back to the house. At first I didn't know what we were doing, and then I noticed the sun was starting to set and where we had parked provided a beautiful view.
Hillsong was turned up and the windows of the truck came down.
We all sat on the truck bed ...silent; just watching. I moved to a giant fence at the edge of the field for a better view...and to just take in more of being outside. A couple people joined me. And we sat. Quiet. Listening. Just being.
I think that is what I miss most.
Just being.
Nothing else going on.
No noise besides night bugs and worship music in the distance.

Then, in the peaceful serenity...one of the guys turned and looked at us with an awesome smile and took off through the field! The grass was up past his knees and there was a huge hill in the distance where the sun was setting.
A couple of us watched for a minute....he sped through the grass....on a mission....bounding if you will because the grass was so tall. We only watched for a moment...and then without a word being said, I looked at the guy next to me, and we both darted off the fence following the path up the hill! So much joy and laughter is involved when running through a tall grass field. I of course tripped and fell...but pulled myself together to continue the run. It was exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. It had probably been years since any of us had run through a field like that....
Once we reached the top of the hill, the scenery before us was even more beautiful than at the bottom of the field. We turned and saw behind us the rest of the group bounding through the grass to join us! Then we watched the sun slip away behind the horizon.
I'm use to experiencing all of that alone, however, even with everyone there, the presence and serenity of the Lord was felt.
It wasn't Athens, and there were no stars, but it was just what I needed: Gainesville and a field. Thankful for blessings that sneak up on you.

a good struggle

2010-05-25T11:55:00.006-04:00

23.
24 in a matter of weeks…days….I guess you could even say hours. (it would be a large number though).
I told my roommate there was a good chance of a meltdown when I turned 24. She said that wasn’t allowed till 25…so I guess I have a year to wait for that one. In lue of not being allowed an age meltdown I’ve still been processing and ping-ponging the whole “so I’m almost 24..what am I doing with my life!?” phrase that tends to creep up when milestones like New Years and birthdays happen.
Some remind me that I’m still a “baby” and I have plenty of time to figure it out…other people *cough* dad *cough* encourage me that I’m not a baby and I do need to start planning/figuring out where I’m going and what I want to do.
And here in that lies my dilemma.

If you don’t know where you’re going…how do you figure out the best way to get there?

There’s the phrase, “Not all who wander are lost” however, I will be the first to admit that I am wandering….and it’s not because I want to be.
In general where do I want to end up: closer to the Lord and growing spiritually…doing whatever it is He has planned for me….marriage…a family. But all of those (besides spiritual growth) are kind of tricky to plan for. And the main concern right now, as I’ve talked about before, is more so where/what the Lord wants me to be doing. It’s definitely one of those things I feel like I’ve been struggling through the past year and half. Feeling like I’m not doing anything…or wasting time. And, as the Lord loves to do…when I need it most He sheds some light on the subject in some shape or form:

“When you’re waiting, you’re not doing nothing. You’re doing the most important something there is. You’re allowing your soul to grow up. If you can’t be still and wait, you can’t become what God has created you to be.” –Sue Monk Kidd

Through this past year I’ve realized I’m not patient. I want to know the answer and then get to work on whatever it is. I remember as a kid, Harrison and I would ask Dad things and instead of giving us the answer he would let us “sit there and think about it”. Nothing would drive me crazier!! He wanted us to figure some things out for ourselves instead of giving us the easy answer. Amazing how wisdom and extreme annoyance can often pair together.
Continued reading last night and was hit with this:

“What has happened to our ability to dwell in the unknowing’ to live inside a question and coexist with the tensions of uncertainty? Where is our willingness to incubate pain and let it birth something new? What has happened to patient unfolding, to endurance? These things are what form the ground of waiting .And if you look carefully, you’ll see that they’re also the seedbed of creativity and growth- what allows us to do the daring and to break through to newness.” –Sue Monk Kidd

After reading that I was left more encouraged. It’s ok I’m not 100% sure where I’m going. God has me here for a reason…to learn and trust Him through the struggle…it will grow and produce in me the characteristics He is trying to harvest. He will continue to reveal more as we go…but for now, the struggle is good. It’s hard…but it causes a necessary faith and dependence on Him to guide me. If God just revealed to me every detail of his plan, faith/trust in Him would be non-essential. Intimacy develops during those times when you have to press in deeper to follow. So hear we go…

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Forgotten God

2010-05-19T16:34:00.004-04:00

Just finished reading “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan. Very good read…have to take it chapter by chapter to make sure you soak all of it up. I probably still need to go back and re-read half of it!
Between finishing the book last night and a “spirit led” encouragement email from a dear friend this morning I just love seeing how God uses so many different areas of your life to get a major point across.
The overall theme of Forgotten God was living a spirit filled life and living, working, being aware of how important the Holy Spirit is in our life…and how necessary for the work He has called us to! The part that really struck me was how important it is to pray and relinquish control to the spirit and let him literally work through you. I will go days on end without even thinking to ask the Lord why he woke me up that morning. Did the Lord want me to go to work , run, spend time with my roommates….sure. However, what other deeper more eternal work was there that I missed because I got caught up in my own life. I so quickly forget that He wakes me up everyday to complete HIS work….to fulfill His will…whether it’s to grow deeper in my relationship with Him, or love on His children or bring glory to Him in countless other ways. I forget. I don’t ask, and I live as if my purpose for my time here is to work 9-5 and live for the weekends. How mundane. How boring! No wonder so many of us are discontent and unsatisfied! We’re not living our life to the fullest and to what He intended for us!

"Pick at random a score of great saints whose lives and testimonies are widely known. Let them be Bible characters or well known Christians of post-Biblical times. You will be struck instantly with the fact that the saints were not alike.... I venture to suggest that the one vital quality which they had in common was spiritual receptivity. Something in them was open to heaven, something which urged them Godward. Without attempting anything like a profound analysis I shall say simply that they had spiritual awareness and that they went on to cultivate it until it became the biggest thing in their lives. They differed from the average person in that when they felt the inward longing they did something about it. They acquired the lifelong habit of spiritual response. " –Tozer

I realize I don’t live my life thinking that I can have the same impact that James, or Paul, or Martin Luther had…but they are no different than you and I except for they responded to the call the Spirit had on their lives! Each of us have a different calling by the spirit….and it will look different in each of our lives….but as for me, I know I very rarely ask for the Spirit to do his work in me. Or invite opportunities to be used! That’s all the Lord is waiting for….people to be willing to be used!
And when you’re used by the Spirit….ridiculous things happen! People that I know that regularly die to themselves and are open to the spirit’s moving have some of the most crazy, God glorifying stories I’ve ever heard.
What would it look like to live a life so moved and directed by the spirit that someone couldn’t look at your life without giving praise to God because they know the things that are happening are only because of His power!

After Peter and John performed miracles, the people watching them , “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” – Acts 4:13.
Their works did not bring them praise...but instead immediately brought recognition to Christ.
Last summer I experimented with this and tried praying for opportunities to be used by the Lord in whatever manner he wished. Not gonna lie I was kind of afraid to pray that (maybe because I knew God would take me up on the offer!). At the time I worked at CFA as a marketing director and the prayer had literally left my lips as I was walking out into the restaurant from the back of the store. As soon as I opened the door I saw the line was packed with 20 people! I hurried to help. After about a minute I started to realize that everyone in line was an adult…and that they had a mental or physical handicap. The special needs home near us had brought them all to CFA for a lunch field trip! Immediately I heard the Lord chuckle and say “you asked for an opportunity…how bout a bus full!” I got super excited and just spent the next hour visiting and loving on them realizing that the Lord had brought them here today to be served and loved on. I cannot express how joyful it was to spend time with them! In that moment I just realized how much more of a blessing it was to know that the Lord had wanted me to serve them. Did the Lord bring the bus because I prayed? No. I believe I was blessed and was able to pour more into them because by praying the Lord made me more aware of how I was serving Him that day. Sadly, I forget so often to do this! But between the book, and the email today it just made me realize how often I live my life short of what He’s called me to…and in that I miss out on so many blessings and opportunities to glorify Him. I’m going to try to live more aware of the spirit’s moving….and not be surprised when a bus shows up!

2010 Beach Trip

2010-04-19T16:49:00.008-04:00

Just came back from our 2nd Annual Beach Trip. That trip single handedly brings me so much joy and reminds me how good it feels to laugh till my stomach hurts and tears role down my face. We always take jumping pictures, people have learned this about us. I'm convinced that one day when I have a family of my own I will still be taking these (My own family does this!) There is just too much laughter that comes from them....and in my book laughter has no maturity limit! That being said, here's a glimpse at the 2010 attempts....

These pictures are a perfect examples of all our personalities....

Roommates! Love it. Please make note of Katie's "barbie" arms and apparent peg leg. Jamie is fully committed. I've had better.

Jamie and I have been jumping for years....it's a skill. This one we gave it all we had!
This one was in honor of the '09 Jumps. Year so good I doubt we will ever be able to repeat the hilarity of those jumps. The faces and arm positions of this jump however are pretty impressive!

Last but not least, picture of all the girls. Of all the places to eat in Destin we would find the Mexican Restaurant. Ladies- what a good trip! Counting down the days till next year!

(L to R: Megan, Katie, myself, Lauren, Jamie)

It's the simple things

2010-04-11T13:13:00.005-04:00

Finding joy in the simple things:

Coming downstairs weekend mornings and just sitting and drinking coffee with my roommates.

Days when the sun shines so bright you seriously have to believe that everything is right in the world

Rainy days that give me the perfect excuse to curl up with a good book and listen to the storm role in

Watching someone bow their head in prayer before eating a meal

Going for a run and enjoying the feeling of my legs pounding the pavement

Having friends in my life that I have over 15 years of memories with

Designs in my latte foam

Going to a rodeo and wearing cowboy boots and being thankful for being from the South

Living in the city

Being only hours from the country

Laughter that makes your stomach hurt and tears stream down your face

Being able to look at an old friend and one glance meaning a thousand words

Inside jokes

Really good ice cream

Despite age, being united with others over one simple thing: Georgia Football

Pottery Barn & Anthropology magazines just because of their creative layout

Tacos

Random moments in the day when for no particular reason you just feel the Lord near

Days where the whole family is back under one roof

Driving in the country and catching a glimpse of the stars

Getting lost in a good book

Songs that bring back floods of memories

Driving with the windows down

Sitting on the deck with friends on summer evenings

and.....American Flag Running shorts.

"overweight"

2010-04-07T11:24:00.003-04:00

I learn a lot through analogies. I’m not sure what that says about my learning capabilities that someone has to create a story or similarity for me to understand things, but either way, over the years I’ve realized it’s how I learn best. Since college I’ve also noticed that the Lord tends to show me things through analogies, typically through comparing life to athletics. Again, makes me sound like a “meat head” (not sure if girls can be those…but go with it) Grew up always playing sports or practicing to be better at whatever season I was playing in. It makes sense to use something I’ve done for the past 12 years to teach me.
That being said, here’s the latest analogy I’m learning. Again, learning is key word here. Not past tense. Present.
I view my walk with the Lord very much so like ongoing training for the ultimate race….not an original thought. Pretty sure Paul came up with it….may be why he is one of my faves.
Spirituality is a lot like being physically fit. It takes training, time, discipline, endurance, and an obvious love of what you’re doing. You notice athletes. You can look at someone and usually tell they are a runner; not a “I run 3 miles a week” but a “yeah I’ve ran 25 half marathons” (met one of those people before! Respect)
They’re fit looking. Their muscles are lean and toned. If you’re close with them, you notice they take care of their bodies by feeding it things that will build their strength and help them perform to the best of their ability. They make time to train and are disciplined with their training. I’ve never met an athletic person who only ran when they felt like it. They tend to have goals set…and a plan to make sure they are getting the practice they need. And again, anyone who spends THAT much time doing something, love what they’re doing.
Here’s the key….you don’t have to see all the time and effort they put into it, you can tell by looking at them. They don’t have to tell you, “I’ve done an Iron Man” or “I really like to run…a lot”. You know. And the good athletes don’t feel the need to tell you. They train because they love what they do….not for others praise.

Feel like the same goes with our spirituality. Obviously, people can’t look at me and know I love Jesus. However, if I’m putting in the time to spend time in the Word and with Jesus….there is a positive benefit. The whole “Christian” lifestyle is to go through life becoming more like Christ. Therefore the more time we spend with Him, obviously the more we become like Him. The way we treat people changes….the things we say change…we love different…we encourage instead of tear down…and the list goes on and on. It’s a lifestyle. It takes discipline and a lot of time. For me personally, I can tell when I haven’t been “training”. My personality goes down the tubes, it’s more of a struggle to love and I tend to worry a lot. Physically same thing happens. Haven’t run in a while…3 miles is DEATH! I’m sucking wind…cramping in places I didn’t know I could cramp…and all I can think about is STOPPING. However, when I’ve been training in both areas of my life loving people comes easier, joy flows, and doing life right just comes so much more naturally- less of a struggle. Running is fun; the further I go the more I enjoy it and instead of pain, my body thrives off the physical push and I want to run longer.

If I’m really seeking after the Lord and putting in the time and effort…I shouldn’t have to tell you all the time how much I love the Lord. If you do life with me, you should see it in how I live…in what I say to others. I’ve met people like that….their relationship with the Lord just oozes out of them. Again, not in a way that every other minute they’re telling you “what the Lord is doing in my life right now”….when it’s real, it just comes naturally. It’s evident.
And maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like if I have to always be telling someone then there probably is a disconnect. There’s a difference in talking about what you love because you love it…..and talking about what you love because people will look at you different because of it.

This was a good slap in the face analogy for me. Spiritually speaking….I’m a little “overweight” and the thought of running for more than a mile or two makes me sweat. Out of shape...not gonna lie.
Probably one of the reasons I started trying to do races was I needed discipline/goals in my life…and I need the same approach I have to my physical training to spill over into my spiritual life.

That being said…I’m dusting the cheesy poofs from my face and putting on my sweat bands….round is not a shape.

Fear of Reality

2010-03-15T09:58:00.001-04:00

Always running; never walking,
Never stopping for fear of stillness.

Winds blowing; always rushing,
Always turning for fear of settling.

Oceans crashing; always roaring,
Never ceasing for fear of silence.

When all is still and everything has settled,
it’s in the silence that we become aware of reality.

"borrowing"

2010-02-16T13:17:00.004-05:00

I'm a borrower. I love to borrow things from my parents house that seem like they could have been forgotten, unused, or never missed. Probably the correct term is "stealer" but that just sounds so harsh, so I will continue to refer to it as borrowing. Technically, if anyone ever asked for that item back...I would of course return it to it's proper owner.

"Oh, sorry didn't realize this was yours." Smile. Play dumb and give it back.

Key word their is play. I'm always aware that if it's not mine....that means it's probably someone else's. This is where I have a HUGE character flaw: I just don't care. I'll take it anyway.
Recently with moving I've borrowed several things. Lamps that don't appear to be in use, anything in my brothers room who is away in college was fair game. College kids are never home...and they never use their stuff. I know this because several times upon my return from Athens I noticed several things had been "borrowed" from my room, including an old pair of jeans. (note: remember I have 3 brothers. interesting? indeed. but that's a story for a different day) Anyway, I've found this borrowing works great. Why buy something new when you can see if there's already one at your parent's house. In all seriousness I do take things that people aren't using. My parents don't come home to find that I've taken their sheets or anything. I'd never get away with anything that obvious.

The main thing I will "borrow" is food. Little something here...little something there...and no one ever notices. Sometimes I will take the one thing that my mother has bought for a specific purpose...then all hell breaks loose. She has discovered my habit of lifting food items and therefore instead of stopping me, she just mentions what things I'm not allowed to take. "Cameron, I bought 5 tubs of strawberries for Bible Study...DON'T EAT THEM."
The last two times I went home I did borrow food (as always) but looking back I question my selection.
Yesterday I stole a can of beans. Beans? Really? I actually laughed to myself because I didn't know whether that was gross or just sad.
Today I had snuck a grape fruit out of the fridge to take home. Knew mom had just bought those...so figured I had to be super sneaky.However, left it out and she noticed. Thought she was going to put it away but instead she picked up and said:

"You taking this with you right?" smiled and handed it to me.
I grinned awkwardly. She knows me so well.

Just East

2010-02-15T13:20:00.003-05:00

On Sunday we were discussing inheritance and specifically looking at the inheritance of the 12 Tribes of Israel in the Promised Land. The beautiful thing about inheritances is that you don’t have to “work” for them. They are freely given. Israel did not work for the Promised Land….the Isrealites won their battles because the Lord was on their side. It was not by their strength, but by the Lord’s. One of the most interesting parts of the whole story was the land that the Tribes of Gad, Reuben and the half tribe of Manasseh personally requested. Those three tribes had entered the Promised Land earlier and noticed the land East of the Jordan River (not technically in the Promised Land) was very beautiful and fertile. They asked Moses’ permission for that land to be their inheritance when the time came, even though it was not what the Lord had originally promised to them. Moses consented and those three tribes established their families there believing they had received a better inheritance. However, the land they settled was not well protected and was very vulnerable to outsiders. Throughout the rest of the Old Testament we see that those three tribes were always the first to be taken into captivity or attacked.

So often we settle for what we think is best, or what looks good at the time instead of what the Lord has set aside for us. Was the land east of the Jordan fertile? Yes. Was it beautiful? Yes. But, was it the Lord’s best? No. Gad, Reuben, and Manasseh had instead decided that the other land would be better than what the Lord had to offer. Sadly, their descendants suffered the most due to their settlement.

In life my biggest fear is that I’ll settle. Settle for a decent job…settle for husband….settle for what I consider is my “life’s purpose”. Nothing scares me more than the thought of one day hearing Jesus say: “You lived a good life, but you could’ve lived so much more. There was so much more that I had for you if you had only trusted and followed my leading instead of what you thought seemed good at the time.”

God has what is best for us. Sunday made me wonder if I really am trusting and willing to follow the Lord, believing His way is best; or if in some areas of my life, I’m still setting up a tent just East of the Jordan river

walls

2010-01-26T13:31:00.000-05:00

Wounds are tricky. Some are very obvious and you are constantly aware of the need of healing. Others, it’s not till you’re in a situation that you realize you haven’t 100% dealt with elements of your past. Suddenly you look down and you are in full armor with cement in one hand, bricks in the other, ready to build that wall up at the first sign of invasion or attack.

Instead of putting them down, I just tell people I carry bricks and cement in case they happen to run into a wall I’ve quickly thrown up.
Probably would be easier to just put the bricks down. This means digging up the lies, figuring out the truth in the situation, and choosing to believe the Lord instead. Sounds so simple, and yet it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Why is it so hard to accept the truth?

Mac 'n Cheese

2010-01-22T13:46:00.003-05:00

We are moving soon! And by “we” I mean Jamie, Katie and I. We have taken that big step and have leased a house in Atlanta and upon doing so have officially (and hopefully permanently) “left the nest”.
However, much to my chagrin I have to enter into the disciplined life of a budget. Granted, I’ve been paying my own bills and living on a budget for a couple of years now, however, living at home frees up a lot of income that sadly, now I will have to seal in an envelope and kiss good-bye every month. That’s going to hurt. However, I am decided and dedicated to sticking to this budget (not that I have a choice). I am taking this thing by the horns and will be disciplined and pull it off with flying colors. Sadly this means that the luxuries I use to experience, like eating, will be tight. Eating out will be a rarity, and planning all my meals at home will be necessity. I refuse to view this as a bad thing, I enjoy looking at issues in life and still seeing the glass as half full.
So here is my game plan:
Plan out all the meals and necessary ingredients and ONLY buy those. Last result will be grilled cheese, rice and beans, Easy Mac, and every one’s personal favorite Ramen Noodles (thought I said goodbye to that in college. Round 2). Here’s the “half full” part. Carbs are cheap. That is a great blessing! Thankfully I’ve recently developed a love for running and am training for 2 big races this year. The majority of this year I will be in some form of training, so I will be in desperate need of the before mentioned cheap carbs. This will prevent the typical response to large amounts of pasta and cheese …unpleasant weight gain. However, Jamie and I still fully anticipate losing weight due to the fact we just won’t be buying a lot of food. So, that works out great, losing weight and staying on budget…what’s bad about that!?
Then I realized…losing weight means our clothes won’t fit. And there is no money to fix that problem. Sigh. So you can’t win for losing…
But, we are moving on and growing up and I am excited about that, even if it means eating a lot of macaroni and cheese. It won’t be forever…and until then, Jamie’s boyfriend said he’d buy me a belt.

Stay posted for the adventures of living in Atlanta. I can almost guarantee they will be ridiculous.

P.S. we move in less than 2 weeks and I’ve ONLY packed my towels. Baby steps people…baby steps.

Only in Atlanta

2009-10-02T13:43:00.002-04:00

Sometimes life is just ridiculous. Sunday night was one of those moments where you just stop and ask “Is this really happening?” As I continue to play, and hopefully soon live in the city, I’m realizing the only answer to that question is, “Only in Atlanta.”
Here’s the scene: At a friend’s high rise apartment in Midtown late Sunday night. We’ve just finished church and our usual Dinner/wine/Disney movie get-together that we do every Sunday. (Which is amazing by the way, however, the boys demand its getting too girly so next week is Gladiator and wine. Fine by me) I digress…so, I head out pretty late and walk to where my car is parked in the small parking lot in front of the high rise. There are literally only 8 spaces. I notice another car is parked next to mine but their lights are on and one of the doors is open. Hmm, slightly sketchy. Their driver’s side door is open and right next to my driver’s side hence causing a problem with me getting in my car. I come around the car and smile at the driver to show that he is going to need to close his door for me to get in my car. This is when I hear what sounds like water hitting the pavement….my first reaction is “OH GROSS! Someone is throwing up out of the car. This is uncomfortable.” The driver casts me an awkward apologetic face and then I notice why. From behind the door I can see someone’s head peeping over the top of the door and notice she is squatting. Oh yes…its going there. As soon as I notice this girl squatting I realize that the noise I hear is from her peeing behind the door on the concrete!!!
I immediately get really awkward and quickly walk away from the car “Sorry, sorry I didn’t see you. I just need to get to my car.” At the same time I’m wondering WHY AM I APOLOGIZING TO THE GIRL PEEING BY MY CAR!! Peeing is usually a private thing and I had felt like I had invaded hers. However, SHE WAS PEEING IN MIDTOWN, IN A PARKING LOT, BY MY CAR! (May I make note that she was 1.wearing a dress [at least she’s classy] and she was 2. peeing by the driver’s door and 3.the driver was there! [Either her boyfriend, babies daddy, husband…you pick]). So, she awkwardly got up and ran back around to the passenger side when she had finished. Which, also weird…you would think when someone catches you doing that you immediately stop and get back in the car. Oh no, she continued to relieve herself after I caught her.
So, I’m thinking, that’s just awesome. I can see the giant puddle right by my door. There was a very good chance I would step in it. If I tried to get in my car that way I would probably make eye contact with the public urinator and then they would watch me try to scamper around her urine. That’s really uncomfortable. I opted for climbing into my seat via the passenger door.
When I pulled out of the parking lot I made sure to give her a dirty look because I’m pretty sure my tires ran over her urine. I don’t even want to talk about how much that just grosses me out. Sigh. Only in Atlanta.

inspiration

2009-09-24T15:00:00.003-04:00

So I’ve decided to do a Sprint Triathlon. I’ve wanted to have something that is “mine” and I could pour time and effort into. I just hadn’t decided what it was. My first thought was that I will train for 5 and 10K races (my body is not in fantastic shape and I could use a reason to start running again) but then I remembered. I HATE running. Well nix that idea. I wanted something I would have to use discipline to accomplish. Something that wouldn’t come quickly, but over time would have to be worked and strived for. Something that after the time, sweat, tears and exhaustion I poured into it I could complete and enjoy the satisfaction of finishing. And that’s when it came to me.
I was doing a cycling class at my gym and they started showing clips from Iron Man. Seeing all those people giving there all for this one race was so moving. I know it sounds silly, but when you think about what people have to sacrifice and endure to get their bodies in enough shape to run a full Iron Man it’s pretty ridiculous. There were hundreds of people all ages and ethnicities that were running this race. I watched in amazement wondering what it was that drove them to do this? What about this race was worth the grueling training and discipline that was required to actually finish? The biggest sense of relief and joy burst across their face as they crossed that line and embraced on looking family members and loved ones. They raced to win but even the competition couldn’t overshadow the personal victory of just finishing the race. Other racers, who moments before were opponents, ran to embrace the new racers that crossed the finish line in victory as if to say “Congratulations! You made it! Come celebrate with me!” Competition was forgotten and instead camaraderie over completion was all that was present. My immediate thought was “I could never do that.” And then I started to have a conversation with Jesus as I pedaled on my bike watching the film flicker across the wall.
Why couldn’t you do that? Because it’s physically impossible.
They did it so obviously it’s not. Yes, but I can only imagine the discipline and training they had to enter into to achieve that.
Does it look like it was worth it? Yes.
With me you could do this. Only with my help.
Jesus, you created me, you know I have endurance issues with athletics. (I played defense in soccer because my lungs were never strong enough for forward. I was always a sprint swimmer because I couldn’t handle the long distances. Same story with track.)
Yeah, but I couldn’t.
Exactly. I can. You need to learn discipline and you need to learn what its like to have me do something through you. When you cross that finish line you will know the only reason you got there was because of Me. Let’s do this together. Not necessarily the Iron Man, let’s start off small. I have a lot to teach you through this process. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
After that conversation I decided that I should definitely give it a try. I went home and signed up for a race in September. It’s the middle of June and I have about 3 months to get in race shape.
So here goes everything…

Triathalon

2009-09-24T14:58:00.001-04:00

Well I have done something that I never dreamed I would do. This past weekend I completed my first Sprint Triathlon. Don’t be confused this is not the infamous Iron Man. Take the intensity of Iron Man and divide it by 10 and that’s a Sprint. Small though it is, it is still pretty intense. A sprint includes ½ mile swim (16 laps in a pool), then 14 mile bike, and wrapped up with a nice 3.2 mile run.
I didn’t blog about the experience leading up to the race because I have been so busy, however, I think it has been such a great process so I’m going to break down my experience through several blogs ending with the actual race day. Don’t be confused, I will be writing in present tense even though we both know that the race is over…but for a couple blogs lets pretend its not and you can follow me on this crazy adventure. In the end, my hope is that you will be convinced that doing a sprint triathlon needs to be on your list of things to do…

"Very Doubtful"

2009-07-23T17:48:00.004-04:00

I did one of those things I hate.

It's in the category of unrecoverable.

Thankfully only my grandfather saw me, but the mere fact that it happened embarrassed me.

In my defense it was dark outside and I was staying somewhere new for the first time.

But alas, there really isn't a good excuse.

I squinted my eyes to see if the glass door really was shut. It would have made more sense to actually reach my hand out to be extra sure, but then again this is me we are talking about. So, trusting my eyes, which tend to fail me often, I stepped out in faith.

Faith laughed when I ran straight into the closed glass door.

I sighed in embarrassment.

Pop snickered.

I opened the door and wondered if I was ever going to not do stupid stuff like that. If I had a Magic 8 Ball I'm pretty sure it would read "Very Doubtful."

thunder

2009-06-11T13:11:00.000-04:00

I felt thunder shake the ground today. I haven’t experienced the sensation of that kind of power in a long time! It came rumbling over the distance and as soon as it hit my ears it also rolled along the ground and trembled underneath my feet. I was blown away. The sound was that great, that strong that the earth beneath me shook. I know I’ve felt thunder before; maybe I was just more aware today. It shook the highway and made my car tremor. It was amazing! In that instance I felt realization, awe and fear all at the same time. The realization that I am so small. Fear because something that is nothing more than a noise could cause the earth to shake and also startle me. Following all of this I was just in awe of God. He thought up the idea of Thunder... I usually think of it as a reaction to the temperature change that happens in storms. But that takes all the creativity out of God. I like to think of thunder as a creative aspect of storms, not a scientific occurrence.
I love laying in bed at night in the summer time and hearing the frequent summer showers coming in. I count the seconds between the claps of thunder and the lightening that sends light tearing into my pitch dark room. Flash….One, two, three, four….BOOM; 4 miles away. Flash…..one, two, three….BOOM; three miles away. This is my favorite way to fall asleep. I just love storms. I feel like its God’s way of reminding us just how big He is. I’m always aware of the Lord’s power during those storms and it gives me a good fear of the Lord and at the same time I’m so aware of his mercy that He doesn’t just blow me away with the leaves.
So here’s looking forward to many more summer rains…

Giant freezers and Running dogs

2009-04-27T21:52:00.003-04:00

So I've always viewed myself as a brave person. No real big fears besides the basic gender ones...bugs and anything that could creepy crawl up on me and scare me. Nothing crazy. Pretty normal legit "Um I don't really like that" things. However, the past couple months I have realized I have had some closet fears I was unaware of (hence the word closet)
First, I was visiting my best friend up in D.C. (shout out to Lauren), who I might add probably lives in the coolest house in Arlington (very jealous). I decided to take advantage of my nice vacation time, the beautiful weather, and her relatively safe neighborhood and went for a nice run. Ha, well being that I was out of shape this quickly turned into brisk walk. I admired all the nice families that were out walking...babies...couples. It was like out of a movie. Then I saw what is very normal....someone walking a dog. I smiled....I love dogs. And this is when I realized my secret fear because here was my thought process as the dog grew closer:
aw what a sweet dog. I want a dog someday. Man I would be in great shape if I had one. So sweet.....ummm kinda getting close (dog gets nearer) uhhhhh looking at me funny.....(I start to run on the grass away from the dog)....still really close....(as I pass the dog) DEAR JESUS DON'T BITE ME!! DON'T BITE ME! DON'T BITE ME!!! AHHHHHHHHH.
Sigh of relief after the dog passes. Really?? Where did that come from? I love dogs! But as I ran by the dog and his owner the only thing I could think of was that at any moment he was going to lunge out and take a hunk out of my butt! Then I remembered, in college I had run by a dog and he did lunge out and rip a hole in my pants as he bit my ass. It all came together. I wasn't afraid of dogs...unless I was running with my apparently delicious pants on that dogs cannot resist. So kinda embarrased of that fear but if you ever run with me and we pass a dog I will run in the road and on coming traffic to escape the potential of teeth being sunk into my rear.

Another random fear: I'm a Unit Marketing Director at a Chick-fil-A (blog party foul, but my stories will be better in the future if you understand where I work.) So anyway, we have a HUGE walk in freezer and refridgerator. At first I found these awesome. Totally would want one of these in my house someday. However, when you walk in these the door automatically closes behind you to keep the cold in. The freezer is so cold that one of the managers told me you would probably only keep consciousness for 30 minutes without a coat on.....ehhhh enter fear here. Whenever I go in them (which praise the Lord is very rare) I have a mini anxiety attack. The door seals and closes very tight so you have to push it hard to open it. I'm always afraid the guys I work with who LOVE to mess with me are going to lock me in there. So everytime I try to push open the door my blood pressure rises and breathing increases....I have an adrenaline rush to push open the door and at the same time start praying to the Lord to make my death quick and painless because I ALWAYS fear the door won't open. I breathe a sigh of relief everytime the door does open. I find this amusing because I've never been stuck in there before...and yet everytime I go into a panic attack. I bet anyone watching me come out of the freezer probably laughs because I bet I look like someone running out of a burning building.
Sigh. Silly fears.

Truth

2009-02-21T11:00:00.002-05:00

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
Isaiah 55:8-14

wanderlust

2008-12-27T14:14:00.005-05:00

I'm feeling the desire to wander again. My Freshman and Sophomore year in college I spent much of my time wandering.....wandering in different countries....wandering about here in Athens. Just wandering. Thinking. Seeing new things. Exploring. It was a drive I couldn't ignore and it pulled me to some of the most amazing places and experiences I've ever seen. I embraced this desire and went with it. Looking back I'm so very glad I did.
I thought that part of my life was over. An itch I had scratched. Every couple months the itch would come back and demanded to be noticed. So I scratched it and have been so very blessed to have been able to experience all that I have.
For about a year or so now that desire has remained dormant. Maybe due to reality....maybe a little to the rational side of myself that has grown since I was 18. But once again....ever so quietly this time....its whispering again to me.
Go....
See...
Experience...
Feel...
Explore....
Live..
College provided wonderful ways to fulfill this desire through study abroad and trips with friends. God revealed this love for seeing His creation through mission trips and other life experiences.

You ever just get that feeling that if you don't do something you may be missing out on something very significant to who you are and what drives you. That's what I got right now. Something beyond curiosity. I would even go so far as to say design...how and who I've been designed to be by the One who knows best.
The desire to see and feel beauty. To be in awe. To be speechless by what surrounds me in nature.
The drive is back and cannot be ignored.
Now I just need to figure out why it is there....and how to fulfill it and continue to do His will.

It's not Christmas without Amy

2008-12-09T13:50:00.005-05:00

So Will and I are going to Ultimate Christmas concert next week. I'm pretty excited about it....bringing back the 80's with some mistletoe and eggnog.
Yup...we are going to the Amy Grant/Vince Gill concert at the Fox.
Don't judge. (well we may be that lame couple..but I'm OK with it if it includes Amy)

I heard on the radio that she was in concert with Vince (we are on a first name basis) at the Fox and I almost peed in my pants with excitement. When I was little Christmas wasn't officially Christmas until I had listened to the Amy Grant Christmas Album. For those of you that know...I can hear you screaming "Oh ya!! Totally!" over cyber world...for those that don't, I shed tears for lost childhood memories for you. Amy Grant's Christmas CD is still by far the best Christmas compilation ever. I remember interpretive dancing to "Mary did you know" in my playroom when I was younger.
(Yup...I use to pretend interpretive dance....I was pretty good...and maybe a little in college. sigh...sorry for those that witnessed those)
Amy is necessary for me and Christmas. Can't have Christmas without her...it be like eggnog with out the nog...then you would just have eggs. Gross and not very festive. When I heard about the concert I had to go! The only question...who could I get to go with me who wouldn't think it was lame. Hmmm. That was a tough one. Will!! Well....I'll just leave the part about Amy out and say its a Christmas Country Concert with Vince. So I told him...and he sounded interested...ya go ahead and get the tickets...it will be fun. Here's where I thought I should at least let him know Amy was involved too. So I sandwiched it in with the time and location hoping he wouldn't notice. Kinda like when your mom asks what you did last night and you say....Oh you know....grab some pizza with friends, watch some T.V., almost get arrested....got some ice cream and called it an early night. (warning: that never works. They always catch the part about the 'almost' arrest. But I digress...that's a story for another blog)
So Will of course heard the part about Amy that I tried to squeeze in.
"Oh ya and it's this Monday at the Fox with Amy Grant at 7:30...we should grab dinner before!"
" WHAT!! AMY GRANT!!??"
I paused waiting for the " We are NOT going to that concert! That's just cheesy...etc etc. But I was surprised...instead of back pedaling from the 80's princess concert I heard....
" Oh my gosh!!! Her Christmas CD is my favorite! We HAVE TO GO!! Ahhh Tennessee Christmas is such a good song!"

I was shocked. Amazed...and slightly impressed. So next Monday be thinking of us...we will be reminiscing of old childhood Christmas joys with Amy ...oh and Vince will be there too.

But let's be honest...everyone is there for Amy.

Mug from above

2008-11-19T13:47:00.004-05:00

Coffee is crucial in the morning. In the summer months this nectar of the gods provides caffeine...but in the winter it has a dual purpose.
Warmth and Energy.
I took a hiatus from coffee for a month or two...just because I'm lazy. But now that its -30 when I wake up in the morning, coffee has made its way back into my life.

The dilema with coffee is the travler mug.

For those that have the perfect traveler you would not understand the difficulty that comes from having a bad traveler. It's like taking a newborn to a movie...just not worth it in the end. So it is with bad travel mug. The only one we have in our house is one of the short pudgy ones. I have the Danny DeVito of coffee mugs (compared to the ideal tall, skinny travler...aka Heidi Klum). Now let me explain why the DeVito mug looks cute..but fails miserably!
1. Too fat to fit in cup holders. This COMPLETELY null and voids the purpose of a traveler. Instead of being hands free I have to either drive with one hand or master the art of driving with it in between my legs. (This never ends well)
This leads me to number 2....
Devito Mug is not air tight. Nope. When this thing tips over (see #1) coffee goes everywhere. You might as well take the lid off and just pour it on the floor- exact same end result.
These are the main reasons I gave up coffee. I'm too lazy and the effort to enjoy it in the car wasn't worth it! Also, I was way to cheap to go buy a new one and I hadn't seen the Ideal Traveler. I wasn't going to drop $20 bucks on another "accident waiting to happen". So I just gave up.

That is until the "Mug from Above."
I came home the other week and there was a stainless steel coffee traveler sitting in my drive way. You could say it looked like it was waiting for someone. (Me? I asked) I racked my brain for who's it could be....none of my family drinks coffee. No one had been at the house (that I knew of) for a couple days. And yet this Perfect traveler sat in the driveway. Could it have been forgotten....travesty. Or possibly a gift....I like that idea. Well, honestly either way I was going to take it. It looked perfectly clean...no left over coffee inside(thankfully!) I took it as a present from above. The Lord knew it was going to be getting cold soon...so he left me a mug :)
I did't realize "Mug from Above"'s full potential until our first experience together. This miracle mug is completely spill proof. I could launch that sucker into the air and not spill a drop! Also, I press a button to trigger the mouth to open so there is no whops I left the mouth open now my coffee is freezing...or spilled. And the most impressive thing....I brewed this coffee at 7:30 this morning. Didn't drink all of it....decided to see if it's still decent.
2 PM...Coffee is STILL WARM! Impressive!
This mug will make these winter months so much more bareable...and accident proof. So thank-you mysterious mug giver... I appreciate it!

I...

2008-11-19T13:05:00.005-05:00

I Am: looking forward to the Holidays and eating way too much!
I Have: a new job, which is amazing
I Think: too much sometimes
I Know: that I am destined for greatness. But I forget my potential sometimes.
I Dislike: collard greens...and easily offended people
I Miss: the care-free days of college
I Fear: failure
I Feel: tired, excited, happy, scared, joyful, and especially cold.
I Want: to succeed
I Smell: fall in everything.
I Crave: chocolate. Or ice cream would be awesome too!
I Cry: rarely. And when I do it usually sneaks up on me
I Usually: wonder where the weekend went
I Search: for something good in everyone.
I Wonder: if I'll realize when I'm doing exactly what I was called to do. Will it hit me and be like " Oh THIS IS IT!"
I Care: about what people think way to much
I Love: laughing with friends and family more than anything!
I Regret: having not clung to every moment in highschool and college.
I Always: want to make wonderful memories
I Worry: way too much
I Am Not: perfect
I Remember: when my biggest worry was the spelling test on Friday.
I Dance: in the car and in front of the mirror...a lot.
I Don't Always: think before I speak
I Write: because I don't understand until I've written my thoughts out.
I Win: all the time! Unless I'm playing my brother Mitchell.
I Wish: poverty didn't exist
I Argue: very rarely
I Listen: to country because I love the stories the lyrics tell
I Lose: my purpose in life's business
I Don't Understand: why people would believe there isn't a God.
I Can Usually Be Found: in the bathtub. I love water and I love being warm!
I Am Scared: of being chased. Therefore, I usually hate Hide N' Go Seek
I Need: to learn to trust
I Forget: things a lot. I use sticky notes
I Am: excited about these new stages in my life and where they will take me!

Flu Season

2008-10-29T13:22:00.003-04:00

I hate throwing up. Hate, Hate, HATE IT! Thankfully, this is only a miserable experience I go through every 7 years. However, whenever Flue season comes around I get scared. If someone near me is even thinking about being nausiated, I wear a face mask and stear clear. My roomate was sick last year....I wouldn't even go in her room. I love taking care of people when they are sick, but I have no tolerance for vomit.

Why? Because when I throw up I pass out. Yup. That's right. The gag reflex makes me black out. Unconscious. Its not fun. I discovered this in highschool when the morning of homecoming I got sick and kept waking up on the floor by the toilet. This resulted in a huge headache and since the I have learned to pad the floor near the tub and toilet with towels.

Why on earth am I talking about this?? Because it's Flu season and I'm getting scared. The intern who works with me has felt awful all day...nauseous. She said her roomate has been throwing up the past 3 days!! My reaction: oh...go HOME! If you don't feel good you really should get some rest. Don't worry about work...it'll be fine. (This all said as I back away from her)

Seriously, I avoid sickness at all possible. At lunch, I went out and bought Purell to soak my hands in the rest of the day. If I could get my hands on some Lyscol spray....our storage room would be a fog of disinfectant. I keep thinking of where the germs might be. Ugh...on my keys. Can't rub that down in Purell. OH...the doorknob is definately contamiated! So I've been walking around all day trying not to touch anything with my hands (elbows can be used for a lot!)

However, this reminded me of my all time worst/funniest sick story. So I felt like those who don't already know it..would love it!
Let me set the stage: May of last year....end of semester test are coming up....and I've just started dating Will. (We're talking like just over a month...still fresh.)

So, I wake up one morning feeling very nausiated. End up passed out on the floor in my bathroom. I crawl out of my bathroom and throw a shoe at Natalie's door (roomate) in hopes that she's awake. Not likely...its 6:00 A.M. and she sleeps HARD.

NAAATTTTAAAAALLLLIIIIEEEE is my sick call.

She comes and takes care of me for a little bit, but keeps her distance. She calls Will because she has to go take a test and my "NEW" boyfriend comes over to see his girlfriend curled up, fetal position, on the floor with the chance of throwing up again very likely. He was awesome and took great care of me.
Now fast forward...
I warned him I passed out when I throw up but after having been sick 5 times already...I figure I'm done, so not much of a threat anymore.

Wrong.

I'm laying in the bed in my sweats while he studies German. Suddenly I get a hot flash...(menapause?? really?) so I get up the energy to go to the bathroom and put on some shorts. I let Will know he doesn't need to check on me because I'm not that sick anymore. So wrong. I get in the bathroom and get the sweat pants off. As soon as they clear my ankles I feel another wave of nausea. Oh man...not good. I knock over a glass on the way to to toilet and it shatters. Immediately Will is at the door screaming for me. I, irritated at my clumsiness, tell him I'm fine. (this is while I'm hanging over the toilet waiting for the wave to pass.) You know where this is going....Yup, gag reflex....blackout.
Next thing I remember is Will is calling my name and I feel him pulling me by my arms out from between the tub and the toilet.

I was mortified! Oh my gosh did I pass out in my sickness!??

He chuckled....No. But you are in your underwear.

UGH!!! REALLY!!!! More embarassment. This is just ridiculous!

He then sweetly asks (after propping me up against the wall) if I want him to leave. I shake my head embarrassed and ask if he could just hand me my pants and put me back in my bed.

I give him props for not running for the hills. Girl passed out in the bathroom in her underwear isn't really a good start to a relationship. But he stuck around....and 20 minutes later when he found me again passed out in the bathroom he even chuckled a little bit.
And this is why for the next 4 months Airborn and Purell are gonna be my best friends!

Like your snakes

2008-10-14T22:40:00.002-04:00

I often wonder if people act the same way when they were kids. You, but just in a mini version. My mother told me a story the other day that I feel like best sums me up as a person, and after my mother told me this story I am certain now that, at least with me, not much has changed.

Apparently when I was little my mother said I was full of questions and was a very observant 3 year old. Hmm…sound familiar. Also, she remembers that I would say whatever it was I was thinking…good, bad.inappropriate (ha of course). It didn’t matter; if I thought it, I found it necessary to let everyone know. Years ago someone said that my mental filter was broken.

this is proof that I probably never had one.

Well I was about three and my mother took me to a McDonald’s and while she was ordering she set me up on the counter. However, much to her chagrin she noticed that the guy taking our order had some intense tattoos. His tattoo was of a giant snake going up and down both of his arms…in perfect sight for her chatter-box three year old to notice. I just laugh envisioning my mom noticing last minute and realizing her mistake moments to late to prevent me from seeing these impressive displays of artwork. She tried to order as quick as possible because knowing her inquisitive child, I would probably say something extremely embarrassing if I noticed the tattoos.

Umm...Quarter Pounder and uh, kids meal ...quick. (Nervous glances towards me)

“Would you like cheese?”

“Cheese.....yeah sure.” (More nervous drumming of the finger nails. Eyes darting between the snakes and me quietly observing the slithering artwork.)

“Anything to drink ma’am?”

“Yah that’s fine...how much?” (Receipts go flying as my mother rummages for money as quick as possible)

I stayed quiet the whole time. Impressive right? As my mom picked me off the counter to go sit and eat she probably closed her eyes in relief that I had kept my mouth shut. However, we all know this story doesn’t end with me remaining quiet.

As she picked me up to leave, impressed at my silence, she says that I simply looked up at the guy and very matter-of-factly said…

“Like your snakes.”

With that my mother whisked me away to finish my kid’s meal and hope that my happy meal toy would distract me from further questioning the tattoos.

It could have been a lot worse…

And thankfully my taste in tatoos has changed since then.

Close but no cigar

2008-10-01T22:19:00.004-04:00

Fall weather is here.

My favorite running weather.

Came home from work....

got the shoes laced up....

Appropriate running spandex were on.

IPOD....check.

started stretchin....

weather was perfect.

I was ready for a great run.

but instead...

I baked a pie.

sigh. maybe tomorrow.

They found me

2008-09-24T23:22:00.002-04:00

I created this blog to fill a void. A void I have a work, when I don't have work. It fit very nicely. If ever I had a good hour of nothingness....get on type blog or stalk some other bloggers (more than you would think) and the hour would fly by! It became my routine....a habit...a soon to find out luxury.

why?

Because they found me.

yup. "they"
"they" is who us interns call the IS&T guys. I don't really remember what it stands for. Something and something and technology. They're the nerds. The Tech grads. The pocket protector wearing, PC's are crap ranting, everyone should get a mac, glass pushing, suspender wearing, probably could do circles around me, tech guys that pretty much ruined our lives. As interns we have work sometimes but we do it frugally because when we finish it...its done. Then we enter the boredom phase. I usually work a little bit. Surf the Internet. Work some more, get a snack. Return to work, write a blog. Stuff like that. But oh, not anymore. You see IS&T's main job is that they monitor everyone at my office's Internet usage. They know who goes to what websites, how often etc. Yeah ....obnoxious. As you may have guessed this has led to the blocking of all the good websites. Facebook...fat chance. MySpace...nope. And the most random and obnoxious one....UGA Football website. Really?
So I discovered that this blogging website wasn't blocked...SWEET....found a way to spend my extra time.
All was going great for the first month or so.....that is until they found me. I had gotten too lax....probably got on too many times a day...or it may just be that I got on it every day. But, never-the-less they found me and blocked me. Sigh. I've tried every loop hole but to no avail. This sucker is good and blocked.
I can just imagine them sitting in front of their computers arguing about what external hardrive is better suited for certain computers....or perhaps discussing their new Apple products.(either way this discussion is probably lame and painful) But they notice...

Hey Jim..computer 4,678bc in the storage room at location 45t7 has been on this website a lot!
Really? What is it!
OMG....we missed one!!! How could we not have seen this!
What...what...what one!?
It's....it's a blog
NO!
Yes! And this computer goes to it all the time..oh and look she's convinced her storage room buddy computer to start going to it to. Now this is just getting out of hand.
Well Ned you know what to do.
Yup. BLOCKED!
*evil nerdy laughter in sues*

So...this is why my posts are fewer and far between. Revenge of the Nerds. Knew I should have been nicer to those guys in high school.

I need an external hard drive

2008-09-12T11:38:00.005-04:00

This happened once in college. I went through a busy phase when school started up and I seriously thought I had the early stages of Alzheimer's Disease. I couldn't remember the simplest things for the life of me.
Where were my keys? What day was it? What class am I going to....I go to this class every other day but for some reason it's evading me? What did I do this weekend? Did I eat lunch?
Ridiculous stuff like that.
If I had a hard time remembering who the President was in 1804 than I would write it off as just losing pointless information...but no this was CRUCIAL day in day out, can't function if I don't remember it info. I even called my mom and asked her to set up a doctor's appointment because it was getting bad. She reassured me that I simply had too much going on that my brain couldn't remember it all so it simply was dropping information. Ummm not cool. My brain kinda runs everything and suddenly it had gone renegade and turned against me, deciding to drop information and data without asking permission. It was running amuck and doing whatever it felt like....just trying to function. After a lot of training I had it's leash back on and reminded it who was boss and that it couldn't just delete things like my class schedule from memory.
Well....my brain is acting up again. Apparently my new job has it on overload and so once again my brain has started Spring Cleaning my memory and it is deleting important daily functions. Oh I could tell you what so-and-so had in her teeth at Waffle House in 1999, but what I did yesterday....complete loss. It's getting so bad now that I forget crucial stuff at work. I tried to tell someone something important that I had made a note of and midway through talking I literally stopped and my brain informed me that for lack of space it had decided to delete the rest of that memory. Ugh...I stuttered and spat and internally yelled at my brain for making me look like an idiot as I tried to remember. Meanwhile, Co worker thought I had lost my mind....

Oh I just wrote it down...what was it...Oh my gosh I can't remember...hold on it will come to me....hmmm, nope....I'll be right back...there's a sticky note somewhere.

Thanks brain.

So to solve this problem I've started using the ever brilliant invention Post-Its. My desk looks like one giant reminder because I write them about everything....I have Post-its that remind me about other Post-its. I usually have to sort through my stickies to find the one I'm looking for. Yesterday, however, my brain revolted against my counter attack to memory lost. I miss placed a sticky note.

seriously?

It took me a good 10 minutes to locate it...during which I seriously doubted my capabilities to function. I eventually found it...stuck to some random wall...not near my desk. I do not remember putting it there. My brain had apparently gotten an overload of sticky notes so in an attempt to help me organize, it decided to start moving them. At this point I decided I needed to invest in an external hard drive for my brain, that way at the end of the day I can just transfer crucial files and then I don't have to worry about when my brain crashes.

Good news ....I don't have Alzheimer's.... bad news ... I'm impressed every day when I can do the basics.

If you see me driving down 85 confused....someone direct me towards home.

Alumni

2008-09-08T13:44:00.006-04:00

So this weekend was my first UGA game of the season. This has not been a big deal in the past...until now. This past game marked my first game as an alumni.
(cue the huge sigh)
yup that's right. Alumni. AKA I'm at the game not as a student of the University...but as a graduate...as an old person. UGH. It was rough. Thankfully I had some other senior citizens to hang out with. We parked our wheel chairs....brought extra depends and our hearing aids and enjoyed a good game...from what we could see. It's just sad. Another nail in the coffin of my age. I have come to grips that I have thrown my cap, walked through the arch, moved home etc. but I had not come onto campus as an alumni yet. There was relief knowing that come Monday I had no class...and no homework to ruin my Sunday. However, as Will pointed out...I had an 8 hour work day. Thanks. I had almost forgotten.
I felt like I needed to be more accomplished as an alumni. I'm not ready for this!Whenever I picture an alumni I think of some very established, very sophisticated business man who has taken his degree and run with it.....creating his business kingdom and living in the laps of luxury....all because of his degree from UGA. However, I am a ripe 22, living at home with the parents, making pennies at an internship. Not very sophisticated; and if this is established....I'm in big trouble.
I feel that all that is missing from my new alumni status is the "University of Georgia Alumni" car sticker. I have tried to avoid buying this "senior citizen" sticker, mainly due to the fact that I believe I will wake up the day after putting that sticker on my car and be 30 years old and saying phrases like "Well when I went to Georgia.....back in 2004 etc."
Yikes. no thanks.
I think I still have another 5 years till I invest in that sticker. I'll stick to my Georgia "G" and pretend like I'm not as old as I really am.
Sad things happen when your a returning alumni. I didn't recognize any people in the student section; usually its teeming with friends from past classes and other acquaintances. I looked out Saturday...no one. I felt my back starting to hurt. Then I saw my brother down town having all the weekend college fun with his friends that I use to have. Oh....my joints. Then I noticed everyone looked so young! Since when did the middle school field trip downtown?? I feared everyone could see my grey hair growing in by the minute. This was no longer my town...this was the town of my college years. This was my "old stomping ground." Shadows and memories of the past four years floated in and out in front of my eyes and I realized I had to let go. Embrace being a graduate. I had to be OK with being an alumni and let the new wave of kids have at their college experience. Baby steps....next game probably won't be so hard. So I'm going to be proud and admit the truth.

My name is Cameron Smith....and I'm from the graduating class of 2008 from The University of Georgia.

I am an alumni and... I'm OK with it.

a metaphor

2008-09-05T13:47:00.004-04:00

This is not going to be a funny blog. Nope. This a vent.

Why... because I need to.

It hit me today...
a brilliantly good metaphor.

I’d say it was from God...but that would be a lie. I realized that some people/circumstances can be hurricanes. Wherever they go...mass destruction. You take 50 mph winds of manipulation mix it with swirling selfish waters, and mile high waves of insecurity and then you got yourself an Evacuation Situation. I'm going to start referring to these circumstances/people like the Weather Service does storms. ( EX: Hurricane Jane)
Sometimes I feel like it fits because I find myself wanting to scan the damage of peoples lives and say, "Welp, Hurricane Jane just took another victim."

Hurricanes also have no concerns for others. There is no avoiding it, no stopping it...just destruction. Why? Because towns can’t just pick up and move; and once your in it...your in it. Damage gets done whether people are there or not.
I feel that is how some things are in life. I can know there is a “hurricane” in my life, but can’t do anything about it but sit and watch the damage and pray for November…or whenever hurricane season is over. The thing with hurricanes is ….they don’t just mess up your life…they take your neighbors house...the ice cream shop...and the hobo’s bridge across town. So it is with some life situations. Sometimes others get caught in the flood.

And that’s why I don’t like the hurricane seasons of life.

With real hurricanes we have the Weather Service that can tell us to the hour where and when that bad boy will hit so people can prepare. In life, no warning. There can be slight hints….a strong wind if you will, but you rarely are ready for the Category 5 that could hit you.

I wish I had a life Weather Service that could give me heads up when my life was about to go Tropical Storm on me.
If I had a warning I would pick up and move inland.

Idaho would be nice.

I wish I was in Idaho. Heard they have good potatoes.

Ridiculous

2008-09-03T15:10:00.005-04:00

Glimps of my thoughts today as I worked through a mailing database:

Mr. Charles Dick...
Ugh what an awful last name. I would hate to be Mrs. Dick.

Mr. and Mrs. Dick...

Hahahahahah. That's terrible!

I'm so immature.

HAHAHHAHAHA. Mrs. Dickey.

nope that's worse.

Paschalis Ecomidis. I can't even pronounce that one. Wonder how many times people acutually say her name right.

his name?

Fernando Duralde.
Oh that's an awesome name!

Ferrrnando (in spanish accent)

Hello...my name is Fernando Duralde. You killed my father, prepare to die.

Ha.

ok. seriously.....focus.

Ferrrnando........hahaha

Oh Parents

2008-08-28T08:34:00.002-04:00

My parents are funny. For those of you that know them, you understand what I mean. They are probably the most conservative parents I've ever met. I don't mean that in a bad way...but it's true. This doesn't mean that my parents have huge MCCAIN signs in our yard, and when the slightest available moment to bring up politics presents itself they jump at it and let everyone know that Republicans are the best option. No, not that kind of political conservative (although they are). No I'm talking about how they are just conservative by nature. All drinking is bad. Smoking is too. Especially around my young, easily influenced, teenage brothers.
Now living at home with my parents makes me very aware that some of the stuff I am use to doing in college doesn't exactly fly here at home. Sometimes it bugs me and I try my best to please them and not disrupt their pleasant little world with my sinful habits. But...sometimes...it's my favorite past time :) And I may or may not do it just to get a reaction. Here's examples from the past couple weeks of me learning whats not ok...and my different attempts at still doing it.

1.) I decide to have a late night glass of wine. Go get my wine and start pouring a glass.
Mom- "What are you doing?"
Me- "Having a glass of wine."
Mom- "Why?"
Me- "Because I'm 21 and I can. Is that ok?"
Mom- " I don't really know why you feel like you need to have a glass."
Me- "I don't feel like I need to....I just want to. I'm not drowning my sorrows...I'm not drinking my cares away...I just want to have a glass."

Mom- She takes my wine glass and puts it up. "Well I don't want your brothers to see you drinking, so put it in a plastic cup."

Experience ruined. Try drinking red wine out of a UGA SEC Championship Cup and you'll understand.

2.) Second Wine Experience...I'm learning. Parents were gone to a PTA meeting...perfect time to have a glass of wine without being under my mother's disapproving eyes. So I have myself a glass while I work on some project late at night. All goes well. Brothers don't even realize I'm having one. Hear the parents come in.....swig the last sip. SUCCESS....glass a wine and no lecture. Forgot one thing though...the glass.
Mom comes in. Looks at the glass....looks at me. I smile and try to play innocent...and stupid.

"What's that? Did you have a glass of wine?" Her face was extremely downcast and her tone of voice was screaming (SIGH , I am so dissappointed)

"Oh ya....I was working on this project and thought I'd have some of my birthday wine."

Mom- " (SIGH) You really shouldn't start drinking during the week."
Awesome....mom thinks I'm an alcoholic! One glass of wine. One time this week.

Told you they were conservative.

3.) So the sneaky approach didn't work. Now I've just become blatant and going for some shock factor.

Last Night:
"Mom, Lauren and I are going to go to the Jacuzzi and have some wine and smoke the hookah with Zach...do you want to come?"

I say this as I walk downstairs with bottle of wine in hand. Hookah is like fancy cigar smoke...only it looks like a water bong..and my mother HATES THEM! I decided to hit her with two wammies.

She looks at me. Pauses.
"No, I'm good. But thanks sweetie."

SUCCESS!
(To give my mom some credit...she has been known to drink a margarita on occasion..but only when its just her and I. I'm slowly breaking her :) )

Mad Traffic Skills

2008-08-26T08:31:00.007-04:00

Traffic is bad. It just is. There is no way getting around it sometimes. It's like Fried chicken. It's always bad for you...no ifs ands or buts. That food will clog your arteries fast. Doesn't matter if you eat it in the morning...at night...or as a late night snack. It will eventually kill you. Same idea with traffic. In the morning...bad....afternoon...worse. And today was probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen! However, I made it home in just 35 min when it should have taken my probably an hour and a half. (oh yes I've sat in traffic that long)

What's my trick? While working in Atlanta I have developed and honed a new skill. A skill I like to call traffic wizardry. That's right, I have become a pro at rush hour. I'm the ruler of the roads......master of mayhem......highness of the highway.

Today's traffic seriously reminded me of what war in other countries must look like. About an hour before I left work I heard on the radio about a huge wreck over off of "highway to hell" right under Spaghetti Junction and I knew I was in for a treat! By the time I got off of work that impressive display of stupid driving would be backed up all the way to my exit. expletives. So I left work with my mind set....I WILL not sit and rot in traffic today. Not today. My day had already been extremely long and tiring...I just couldn't handle sitting in a parking lot that was suppose to be a highway.

And that's when I learned my amazing traffic avoiding skills. Its fascinating what you can do when you put your mind to it!

I saw those awful red brake lights backed up all the way to my exit....SEVERAL miles from supposed "worst wreck ever!". Also... it was raining which means people are dumber today. Don't ask me why...but you throw a little precipitation into rush hour and suddenly 5 year old's are behind the wheel, and I-85 turns into a bumper car version of Nascar; except cars don't bounce off of each other...they smash into one another and block off 3 lanes of traffic. That was my scenario here.

Three lanes taken victim.

Outlook...bad.

Also I could see a helicopter in the distance...perfect, this wreck is so awesome its newsworthy. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Then...as if a light bulb went off....I remembered...Access Roads. BRILLIANT! If my calculations were correct and if this wreck really did happen just under Spaghetti Junction...I had just enough access roads to circumvent this traffic jam. I started off....so far so good....over one exit...continuing along side absolutely stopped traffic. Guilt kicked in here. All those people are just sitting there slowly losing their minds and I'm flying by at a whopping 45 mph (that's fast for traffic) on an access road. And then I wondered...this is too good to be true...this must be illegal.
You know how cutting through parking lots to avoid lights is illegal...yet such a good idea...I felt that this is what I was doing. Any minute I would get pulled over and the cop would say, " Now missy, what makes you think that you can just drive around traffic when everyone else has to sit in it?"
At this point I didn't care. I had beat the system! After about 15 min or so of driving down access roads I pass over Spaghetti Junction (via access road) and saw the damage. Oh it was bad. Several blinking signs cutting off several lanes. No one was moving. Millions of police cars were there and a helicopter circled. As I watched them in my rear view mirror I got off the bridge and found myself amongst absolutely no traffic. It had all cleared up after the wreck.

I smiled,

then gave one huge fist pump of victory and laughed in traffic's face. After all...traffic always wins in the morning. But sometimes....if I stay on my toes...I get the last laugh at the end of the day.

I pulled into my driveway utterly satisfied and feeling somewhat powerful...genius if you will. And that, my friends, is how you become master of the roads.
(I should be getting that award any day)

Automatic Failure

2008-08-21T08:42:00.005-04:00

You know those things in life that no matter how hard you try if one thing goes bad than the whole thing is just an automatic failure.

You play really awesome in the soccer game...however, you score in your own goal. Automatic Failure.

You look amazing and said everything right in the interview, but you trip on your way out the door. Automatic Failure.
That's how I feel about buses. I can get ready as fast as possible...be out the door on time....showered....ate breakfast....but if I pull off my street and that big yellow bus passes by in front of me....AUTOMATIC FAILURE!

Oh how I hate the bus. My heart literally drops and I fight every urge to bang on my steering wheel and yell obscenities when I get stuck behind the neighborhood bus. I plan my life around the bus. I know exactly when that thing comes down my street...to the minute. I know I have about 3 minutes to haul it to my car and beat it out my drive way. Oh, and I will pull out in front of one, without a moments hesitation, because I know that getting stuck behind the heifer will tag on at least 10 min to my drive time. And when you already sit in traffic for an hour....10 min can just about kill you. And if that doesn't, than my blood pressure will.

So today...doing good. Ready. Packed a lunch (bonus points!). Headed out the door and I see the object of my utter hatred pass by my house...almost as if to mock my good morning. Obscenities...run to my car and peal out in hopes to pass it somewhere along the way. (Which that never happens...once behind a buss...always behind the dag um bus). As I drive I hope and pray that maybe this bus has extra stops on some side streets that I don't go on. Futile to hope. Or maybe...the bus driver is super speedy today and by the time I get on the main road he has flown down the street...doors wide open with kids jumping in as he goes. Kind of like the strongest survive. Kids that don't make the jump...no school. Good luck tomorrow. I think we should put that idea to work.
Much to my chagrin...bus is poking along down the Main drive...which I'm pretty sure that's a requirement for bus drivers. Must be monotonously slow. And of course..this bus is not a high school bus...which would then speed up the process because those kids are like pros at this by now.
How long you been riding?
Oh you know...10 years.
Wow!
ya..its a skill.
No. No professional riders. This bus is for elementary. Might as well call the "take absolutely forever because these kids can barely walk let alone get on the bus and their mothers are crying and must wave 19 times to their 'baby' on their 4th day to school" bus.

Bitter..you bet.

So....little johnny is waiting by the driveway with mom. So I immediately feel bad for getting angry. Mom waves...johnny walks to the bus. Mom waves some more...puts her hand to her mouth as if to stifle a cry. (please) And then ensues the longest 5 min of my life. I don't know what went on in that bus.After johnny got on I swear the bus just stayed there and hung out for another 5 min just to make me angry...and late. I sat there wondering what could have happened....Johnny trip and wipe out ...is he waving out every window to mommy dearest as he makes his way to the back...did he drop his lunch...or is the bus driver just leaving ample time for the mom to cut the invisible umbilical cords and let her baby go to school! Meanwhile, the mom is still furiously waving at the non moving school bus and notices the backed up traffic.

She smiles at me.

I smile back...and whisper words of disdain under my breath.

FINALLY the bus moves....I smile and wave at the mom, meanwhile, making a mental note of what time Johnny gets on the bus and how I will never again leave my house at 7:34 ever again.

Low Blow

2008-08-20T09:41:00.003-04:00

Well a good thing can't last too long. I was feeling pretty good about myself because of my award. Told the mom that I had my award hanging up in my office...very proud.

She replied, "You mean storage room."

Shot down.

Low blow mom. Low blow.

Fridge Worthy

2008-08-20T09:13:00.007-04:00

Today has probably been my favorite morning ever!
"Why?" you may ask...especially when mornings usually carry with them some of the lowest points of the day: waking up, getting up, moving, showering, traffic and the most infamous....going to work.

However, upon my arrival to work I found a present!

That's right...a present....left in my chair.

Someone snuck into my storage room (ha someone remembered I worked in here) and left me a gift! My present was sitting upon a piece of paper...my curiosity was up.
The paper ended up being an Award!! Oh my day just got 10 times better. Only thing better than a gift is an award!
I was pumped...what could this award be for?? I pick it up and this is what it read.
Wait. To preface my award...remember that I just returned from spending a week in a Warehouse moving Christmas crap. We joked the whole week that work gloves could give you super powers. Our boss would put those bad boys on and there was no stopping her. We'd look over and she would be lifting things three time her size...hauling crates with Floyd in tow. She also was the hardest business woman ever when the gloves were on. When we were pricing things she didn't really get the idea of a "garage sale" and was more concerned with making money off of the junk.
" Denise....$5 dollars for this snowman right?"
" No...are you crazy! $30. Not a penny less!"
"But...his arms are broken and he doesn't have any eyes."
"I don't care. $30 dollars!"
Hence our fear when Boss would "put on her gloves". It was about the same concept as a superhero putting on their cape or mask....there was no stopping someone with the gloves on. Overpriced junk and heavy lifting usually followed in their path of destruction.

So...my award read:
For your amazig ability to withstand the heat, lift heavy objects, work on a weeked, endure Floyd's extreme body odor, and "put on the gloves," I hereby award you the well deserved Work Glove Award.
(paper decorated with work gloves.)

I laughed out loud. My Boss was funny. I don't want to work somewhere where no one gives out awards.

Despite what the award was for...which is quirky office appreciation...I felt really proud of myself. I had a flash back of school Awards Day and the anticipation and joy of winning awards like "The Bible Award"..."Star Student"....."Perfect Attendance" (HA who are we kidding I NEVER got that one!) etc.
I called my mom and let her know her baby girl was making it in the real world...I had even gotten an award for doing so well. She laughed and then in all seriousness she said, "we should frame it."

Again flash back to middle school when your parents put the "Most Improved" Award up on the fridge and make a big deal because you got an award. However, it might as well be called "You really sucked in the beginning, but your decent now" award.

The parent trick worked though....this is definately making an appearance on the fridge.

Because she's Fuzzy

2008-08-17T17:19:00.004-04:00

This week my department had to leave the city and go into an undisclosed city South of Atlanta. Now making the statement "South of Atlanta" should fill most of you in on the kind of town we were in without me even stating the name. Another synonym could be Po-Dunk Ville. OK ...that's not true..they did have a Panera.
I was impressed.

Anyway...my job for the week was to clean out an old warehouse where we had been storing things for probably the past 10 years or so. Mainly Christmas stuff. Mainly really old tacky Christmas crap. We spent two days organizing it and then we were going to have a HUGE glorified 'garage sale' in Po-Dunk Ville. I doubted the success of this plan..honestly. However, I failed to realize that in before mentioned 'Po Dunk' the only thing to do on the weekends is drive around looking for 'garage sales.'

Day one I really realized what kind of town this was. My boss and I were meeting another co worker at the warehouse to help sort through stuff, however she beat us down there. We finally get to "Po dunk" and upon driving through I realize that our warehouse is in the armpit of Georgia. We drive down some old country roads.. not like the cute ones in Athens...more like the ones you see in those horror flicks where the whole town gets wiped out by a serial killer. We pull up to the sorriest excuse for a building..complete with over grown weeds..broken down cars...and a cliche country lady smoking a cig out front on her smoking break. Immediately my heart drops. I have to spend all week here! And then I remember co worker has been here for a couple hours by herself! Ugh..i felt bad. We walk in the very dimly lit crate filled warehouse and see coworker plugging away hard at work. Following her around are these two old men who I suppose either own it or are suppose to be helping. Immediately I assess the awkwardness of poor coworker having to work in such close quarters with these random men. We get closer and I get to meet Floyd. Yes...Floyd. I smiled when he introduced himself...and then immediately tried not to grimace when Floyd smiled and showed a full set of gums. Oh Po Dunk ville...the land of no teeth.
Floyd is now my favorite person because he absolutely embodies the mental image of country bumpkin for me.

White T-shirt..probably worn the past 3 days. At least it smelled like it.
Blue jeans...well worn.
Skinny as a rail. Or according to Floyd, "only 3 lbs more than I weighed when I was seventeen."
No teeth
Very wrinkly- looks like he is about 80.
Smokes like a chimney (I counted...packed his pipe 4-5 times in less than an hour.)
Hardest worker I've ever seen.

A good adjective would be gritty.

I also noticed another creature. A dog. Not just any dog...part dog probably part wolf. She was very shaggy...had a brindle coat,jet black head, and wolf tale. Floyd patted her on the head, pulled his pipe out of his mouth and said..."we call her Fuzz."

Now I took linguistics this year...most ridiculous class ever..but I did learn valuable information...information that I had not put to good use until this moment. In order to make the "f" sound...one must use put their lips against their teeth and blow. When one doesn't have teeth this sound becomes very hard to make. So I awkwardly couldn't tell if he was saying Fuzz or Buzz.

"Oh her name is Buzz," I stated.
"No...Fuzz. (still sounding like Buzz) Because she's Fuzzy," he replied.

I smiled.
The simplicity of the name and stereotypical people and scenery made me.
From this moment I knew...this week was going to be funny.

The Heads

2008-08-07T14:37:00.003-04:00

So the storage room today is just giving me the willies. (again another word you use when your aging. I'm going to throw those in there every now and again to see if your paying attention) I walk in this morning and there are our giant mascot outfits sitting on the table by my desk. (our company has mascots...don't ask) Anyway...any kind of mascot is creepy...ESPECIALLY when there isn't a person in it. You would never want to see Mickey Mouse without a person in it...it be like a dead Mickey. In our case its like a decapitated "Bob" and "Mary". (Bob and Mary will be what we call our boy and girl mascots.)

They had been chilling in the hall near their appropriate cubicles waiting to be fixed. Still creepy but not near my desk so it didn't bother me. However, it came to the attention of those in charge of Bob and Mary that letting them lye around in the open wasn't a good idea either. This occurred to them when there was child in the office the other day and they found her poking Bob's lifeless decapitated head. I laugh at this mental picture because it makes me think of what kids do when they find dead things...maybe if I poke it some more it will wake back up. So they decided that lifeless Bob and Mary may upset the kids....so now they are my new storage room buddies. I'm contemplating setting them up so I can pretend I have someone to talk to. Well...that actually may be creepier. In the mean time their creepy over sized blue (yup their blue) foam heads are staring at me.

And to tip over the creepy scale I found an abnormally large spider by my desk. However, he evaded me when I tried to kill him with some of my storage room supply. Eek.

So me and the Heads and the spider have had a good day.
That spider better be dead by tomorrow!

Brothers

2008-08-06T09:06:00.004-04:00

I live at home with my three brothers. Well two brothers now, the oldest just went back to college. They are amazing and so much fun to be with! They are also one of the many reasons my life is so interesting. Over the past couple weeks I've been at home I have had some pretty hilarious converstations with them. Well, they didn't see the humor in them...but I did.
Here are just some snippets of conversations with the 20 year old Junior in college and the 16 Junior in highschool. I believe my favorite quotes will shed some light on who I live with at home.

(Talking over dinner about how my College age brother wants to hitch hike across the States some day.)

"Harrison, that's not a really safe thing to do." -me

"Umm its not like I'm going to be on the side of the road sticking my thumb out....(at this point I'm relieved that he is not that stupid)....I'm going to have a big back pack on with a sign."- harrison
(stated as if they other idea was the crazy one..I return to worrying)

"Yeah but what if some crazy person picks you up. You can't trust people these days. Its just not safe to get in the car with someone." -me

"Ok..but what would they want from me. I'm a 20 year old college kid. I'm backpacking..I don't have anything of value."- harrison

"It doesn't matter they could hurt you just for the sake of hurting you. Plus they could take your money."-me

"Why would I travel with money?!"-Harrison (again stated like I am stupid)

"Why wouldn't you have money?!" -me

"Well its not safe to travel by hitchhiking with a ton of money."-harrison

"What are you going to do when you get where your going without any money?"- me

(avoidance of question)

"Cam, people do it all the time! John hitched a ride after a Braves game all the way to Kansas with a family. I'm not going to get in a car with some sketchy guy."-harry

"Yeah, but you just never know. What if they end up being dangerous."-me

(said very matter-of-factly)"If he pulls a gun on me I'll just get out of the car at a red light. It's not like he is going to shoot me around people."- Harrison
(SERIOUSLY!)

"Oh yes that always works. If only people did that when they got mugged or kidnapped...just get out of the car."- me

(discussion ended here due to the fact that it was just getting RIDICULOUS!)

Conversation with 16 yr old about the girl he likes...this week.
"So did you kiss her last night?" (granted I've only heard of and seen this girl once.)

"Well sorta"- mitchell

"Sorta? Theres no such thing as "sort of". It's yes..or no. Did your lips touch hers?"- me

"Ok yes. But it was just a peck."-mitchell

"So does she love Jesus?"- me

"Um I don't know her that well Cam."- mitchell

(ahh highschool and all its skanky glory.)

Santa has a bad back

2008-08-05T16:50:00.000-04:00

So as a part of my job description I have to make sure Santa can make a special appearance at the event I'm helping with. I got the joyful job of calling him today and got to talk to Santa personally (Although I believe Mrs. Clause picked up the phone). Needless to say I got the biggest kick out of it!

Sadly, Santa just had back surgery. (Didn't know Santa had a bad back...must be from the Chimneys) However, he assured me that soon he would be as good as new and able to "carry his big red sack." This statement was followed by a great jolly HO HO HO and I literally laughed on the phone..."in spite of myself."

So this is a reminder that Santa may be recovering from back surgery..but he is indeed doing his yearly rounds come Christmas!

Eeyore

2008-08-04T10:59:00.000-04:00

So these past two weeks or so I have been grieving. Grieving the death of my college years. I honestly didn't think it would be that hard. I viewed going into the real world as new and exciting adventure! New turns, new expectations, getting out there on my own. Now that I'm here I just want to crawl back in bed and wake up in my loft in Mell Hall and it be Freshman year again. OK..maybe not Freshman year. Maybe just go back to Junior Year. That was a good year.

I apologize to everyone who has had to be around me and my permanent gray cloud above my head. I've been sad and not joyful; and have had a tendency to randomly blurt out "I miss college." Followed by a huge sigh.

Whelp...like most situations when your sad you have the allotted grieving time, which dependant on your circumstance, is a certain amount of time one is allowed to be sad and depressed. This gives you a legit excuse for not being yourself. However, this allotted mourning time has a cut off and after that cut off you can become annoying for still being upset. (This ONLY applies to life change situations or just "rough" times not to the loss of a loved one) If you pass your grief cut off you start to loose friends because no one wants to be around an Eeyore. That's right...the sluggish animated donkey from Winnie the Pooh that was always losing his tail. (Which I believe explains his permanent down cast face)

This thought hit me last night as I sat on my parents couch at home utterly depressed and sad with my life. I'm not a sad depressing person and honestly being that person the past two weeks has been pretty miserable.

So, I decided last night that my grief period was over.

It had been about two weeks, which I feel is just the right amount of time. One week to realize the change....and the Second week to just be generally unhappy about it. So this is Monday of week three and I am done.
I've cried a little bit (which is a lot for me) I've eaten everything that would need to be consumed when your sad (aka TONS of ice cream). And I've been lazy when given the opportunity. So now, I am done. I am going to make the best of this next stage and stop looking over my shoulder and crying wishing I was still living the college life. I graduated and moved and I am going to be OK with it.

I've learned that setting goals for each week helps me make my adjustment. Last week's goal was to not come home directly from work and fall asleep for 3 hours.
Accomplished.
This weeks goals: (I actually have three which may be over my head..but we shall see)
1. Don't complain about growing up.
2. Work out after work (makes you happier!)
3. Spend time with the Lord in the morning to start the day off right

Dad was informing me that quiet time in the morning before a big day at work is always better than doing it when you get home. I've known this to be true for years, however my earlier belief that "as much sleep as possible is best" has kept me from doing it.
So now I guess I have four: Get up earlier.

Goals...that's another thing you do when you get older.
(insert complaint I'm not allowed to make here__________________)

Teardrops in my Car

2008-07-31T08:53:00.000-04:00

*title sung to the ever popular Taylor Swift song "Teardrops on my guitar"

this one is lengthy...but necessary to get the full effect.

Traffic is death. Traffic only brings a couple words to my mind, none of which I can write without censoring myself. So the Office is located off of 85 which we shall rename for now "Highway to Hell." This name suites I-85 around 5 o'clock because even though I know Hell doesn't have a highway (which how creepy would that be)...if it did, I think it would look something like I-85 Northbound looks around Spaghetti Junction. Spaghetti Junction's new name shall be Cluster &%$@. I feel that word sums up that area of a million different bridges and roads of death. I would have loved to watch someone pitching that idea. Maybe the other executive would have responded "so its like a Cluster &%$@ of roads!" and I assume it was followed by "BRILLIANT" because they built it!

So my drive home is down Highway to Hell through the Cluster &%$#. Yup..that sums it up. However, today was beautifully different. We added an extra twist of the knife in the death of traffic. My eldest brother called and said I needed to pick up the youngest from the Aquarium downtown at 6. All I heard was that I needed to wait around an extra hour after work (where all I did was wait around) and drive into the absolute heart of the beast of traffic, better known as DOWN TOWN. This would be perfect because by the time I picked him up it would have taken just enough time for Highway to Hell to be really good and backed up. Love it!

So I get off of work. Already it has not been a good day because I have had nothing to do...and that really gets me good and cranky. Also I'm tired. 8 hour work days will do that to you. Even tea couln't help me today. So as I'm driving and getting stuck in the worst traffic ever I begin to get more and more angry at the thought of what I have to drive through when I turn back around. At this point I am so upset I fear the worst. The absolute worst thing in the world that I avoid more than the plague.

Crying

At first when my eyes began to water with bitterness and frustration the sensation was so alien that I thought my air conditioning was making my eyes water. So I shut the air off. Good, leak fixed(for now).

This is where I'm reminded of the Dane Cook spoof about crying. He talks about how when you've had a bad day at work you fight it all day long not to cry because no one can see you do it. You feel like the world is on your shoulders and he's tapping you saying..."guess what...your going to cry." So me with the world on my shoulders are crawling along downtown streets and I am refusing to break down. I am continued to be reminded that I do not want to be the girl sobbing in traffic. I mean how disturbing would that be to look over at the next car and the driver is in a full fledged sob fest. Ugh it makes me uncomfortable thinking about it.

So I have fixed the air and my mind begins to wander as I sit and rot in traffic. These are my thoughts as the anger comes back:
I completely understand road rage now. All I want to do is honk my horn for no apparent reason and yell with my fist out the window like a deranged man who doesn't understand that grid lock traffic is no ones fault. Oh man if I could just honk my horn I'd feel better. No. I can't. That's just too rude. I can see why people get in fist fights now. It would feel so good to just hit someone. If I could just slug something really hard I would feel so much better. I need to pick up boxing. I'm going to buy a punching bag. Oh thank heavens, I see the Varsity! (this is where I was picking up the littlest brother)
At this moment I see the sun after the storm, the silver lining if you will. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I have successfully managed the day and the traffic and no tears! Finally I see the Varsity sign.
This is when I feel someone run into my door. No, not a car...a body. A person runs into my car. Immediately I am so scared thinking that some homeless man is either so tripped out on acid that he has run into my car or someone is literally banging on my door for money. I freak out...only when I turn to look out my window to see what is my fate do I see the goofy smile of my youngest brother who was apparently riding just 3 cars behind me. He gives me a goofy wave and laughs at my shocked face and runs back to his car.
And I break. Tears. So many tears its like a floodgate. Huge, sobbing, wet, awful tears. Right there in traffic, just a block from the Varsity....I cried. Being scared by the supposed homeless man pushed me over the edge and I fell 1,000 feet and hit the road with a big fat sob fest.
My brother apologized later obviously really freaked out that his big sister was crying at the Varsity. However, my other brother put his arm around me told me he understood and said the magical words that made everything OK.

Let's go inside and get you a milkshake.

Tea and Madre Teresa

2008-07-30T12:03:00.000-04:00

In college I hated being busy. I lived for those 5 sweet words at the end of the day… “I have nothing to do.” Work world is completely different (which I’m learning is the truth about most things.) Work is slow just for the beginning weeks (due to project timings) for the rest of the internship I should have more work to do than hours in the day. But for now its a famine of sorts compared to the soon feast and Im having to find things to snack on to bide my time.

Let me give you a visual of my plush corner office...OK, that’s a lie I have a cubicle…OK, again a lie I’m in a box filled storage room. That’s right…but actually it’s not that bad. I have my privacy and can listen to music. Also I guess you could say it’s a luxurious storage room. I have carpet and my own bullitan board. Lighting isn't that bad either. The other perk…I have a door and it has a lock on it. (Doors are the object of office jealousy) However, everyone knows the combination…so I guess it serves no purpose. I feel pretty important when I arrive and have to plug in the special code to gain access, especially when people see me doing it…but upon opening the door I remember that it’s still a storage room and the people that see me go in probably wonder why I spend so much time in there. However, I have discovered a plethora of markers and such. On the down side, they did remove the helium tanks which would definitely have provided some entertainment…if not just a loss of brain cells. So, I have had to become resourceful, especially since they removed my obvious distraction…the tanks. So here are a few things I’ve discovered to do in the spare time I have sometimes:

blogging. I’ve never been a blogger. I thought it was kind of stupid. Who is going to go online and read about other people’s lives? Then Facebook was created and the normal creepy stalking became the overly prevalent favorite past time. So I figure it makes the friendly stalker's lives easier…let me just tell you what’s going on in my life instead of you having to figure it out from Wall Posts, the occasional "Cameron is________", and About Me Section (Which that section is kinda weird I’ve decided…especially when people write “ just ask me.” That’s my favorite one.) Also, it’s a way to share the ridiculousness that is my life. I’ve learned this from my wiser fellow real world accomplice. And most importantly it gives me something to do.

Secondly, there's Tea. Sweet and simple, and the solution to every possible problem I could have here at work. First and foremost, if bored….a field trip to the break room for some tea can take up at least 5 minutes, plus there is the added time of deciding what tea to chose. Chamomile (personal fave, light and sweet. however, it's decaf. loss of brownie points.) or Mint (ever popular, good flavor with a little bite to it. And it has the needed drugs in it.) Tea is my solution to everything. Cold... tea. Hungry…Tea. Tired….Caffeinated Tea. Needless to say I drink several cups a day.

Finally, since Facebook and any possible entertaining website are blocked I’ve resorted to the old fashioned reading. Just recently I finally decided to bring books to work. Yup that’s right. But before that I had to scrape for reading material. It’s amazing what you find/notice when you have nothing to do. My current favorite is the Mother Teresa quote above the fax machine:

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.”

Deep. I may have had time to contemplate what that means, however, I got distracted by what was below that, which was the quote translated into Spanish. I laughed and then tried to see if I could translate it. Three years of Spanish and a study abroad have failed me because I couldn't read a lick of it. (yes I said lick..you say words like that when you get out of college. I think its called aging) But my favorite part was under the quote was written Madre Teresa. That part I could translate.

So hopefully work will pick up soon, because I think we are running out of tea.