Always running; never walking,
Never stopping for fear of stillness.
Winds blowing; always rushing,
Always turning for fear of settling.
Oceans crashing; always roaring,
Never ceasing for fear of silence.
When all is still and everything has settled,
it’s in the silence that we become aware of reality.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
"borrowing"
I'm a borrower. I love to borrow things from my parents house that seem like they could have been forgotten, unused, or never missed. Probably the correct term is "stealer" but that just sounds so harsh, so I will continue to refer to it as borrowing. Technically, if anyone ever asked for that item back...I would of course return it to it's proper owner.
"Oh, sorry didn't realize this was yours." Smile. Play dumb and give it back.
Key word their is play. I'm always aware that if it's not mine....that means it's probably someone else's. This is where I have a HUGE character flaw: I just don't care. I'll take it anyway.
Recently with moving I've borrowed several things. Lamps that don't appear to be in use, anything in my brothers room who is away in college was fair game. College kids are never home...and they never use their stuff. I know this because several times upon my return from Athens I noticed several things had been "borrowed" from my room, including an old pair of jeans. (note: remember I have 3 brothers. interesting? indeed. but that's a story for a different day) Anyway, I've found this borrowing works great. Why buy something new when you can see if there's already one at your parent's house. In all seriousness I do take things that people aren't using. My parents don't come home to find that I've taken their sheets or anything. I'd never get away with anything that obvious.
The main thing I will "borrow" is food. Little something here...little something there...and no one ever notices. Sometimes I will take the one thing that my mother has bought for a specific purpose...then all hell breaks loose. She has discovered my habit of lifting food items and therefore instead of stopping me, she just mentions what things I'm not allowed to take. "Cameron, I bought 5 tubs of strawberries for Bible Study...DON'T EAT THEM."
The last two times I went home I did borrow food (as always) but looking back I question my selection.
Yesterday I stole a can of beans. Beans? Really? I actually laughed to myself because I didn't know whether that was gross or just sad.
Today I had snuck a grape fruit out of the fridge to take home. Knew mom had just bought those...so figured I had to be super sneaky.However, left it out and she noticed. Thought she was going to put it away but instead she picked up and said:
"You taking this with you right?" smiled and handed it to me.
I grinned awkwardly. She knows me so well.
"Oh, sorry didn't realize this was yours." Smile. Play dumb and give it back.
Key word their is play. I'm always aware that if it's not mine....that means it's probably someone else's. This is where I have a HUGE character flaw: I just don't care. I'll take it anyway.
Recently with moving I've borrowed several things. Lamps that don't appear to be in use, anything in my brothers room who is away in college was fair game. College kids are never home...and they never use their stuff. I know this because several times upon my return from Athens I noticed several things had been "borrowed" from my room, including an old pair of jeans. (note: remember I have 3 brothers. interesting? indeed. but that's a story for a different day) Anyway, I've found this borrowing works great. Why buy something new when you can see if there's already one at your parent's house. In all seriousness I do take things that people aren't using. My parents don't come home to find that I've taken their sheets or anything. I'd never get away with anything that obvious.
The main thing I will "borrow" is food. Little something here...little something there...and no one ever notices. Sometimes I will take the one thing that my mother has bought for a specific purpose...then all hell breaks loose. She has discovered my habit of lifting food items and therefore instead of stopping me, she just mentions what things I'm not allowed to take. "Cameron, I bought 5 tubs of strawberries for Bible Study...DON'T EAT THEM."
The last two times I went home I did borrow food (as always) but looking back I question my selection.
Yesterday I stole a can of beans. Beans? Really? I actually laughed to myself because I didn't know whether that was gross or just sad.
Today I had snuck a grape fruit out of the fridge to take home. Knew mom had just bought those...so figured I had to be super sneaky.However, left it out and she noticed. Thought she was going to put it away but instead she picked up and said:
"You taking this with you right?" smiled and handed it to me.
I grinned awkwardly. She knows me so well.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Just East
On Sunday we were discussing inheritance and specifically looking at the inheritance of the 12 Tribes of Israel in the Promised Land. The beautiful thing about inheritances is that you don’t have to “work” for them. They are freely given. Israel did not work for the Promised Land….the Isrealites won their battles because the Lord was on their side. It was not by their strength, but by the Lord’s. One of the most interesting parts of the whole story was the land that the Tribes of Gad, Reuben and the half tribe of Manasseh personally requested. Those three tribes had entered the Promised Land earlier and noticed the land East of the Jordan River (not technically in the Promised Land) was very beautiful and fertile. They asked Moses’ permission for that land to be their inheritance when the time came, even though it was not what the Lord had originally promised to them. Moses consented and those three tribes established their families there believing they had received a better inheritance. However, the land they settled was not well protected and was very vulnerable to outsiders. Throughout the rest of the Old Testament we see that those three tribes were always the first to be taken into captivity or attacked.
So often we settle for what we think is best, or what looks good at the time instead of what the Lord has set aside for us. Was the land east of the Jordan fertile? Yes. Was it beautiful? Yes. But, was it the Lord’s best? No. Gad, Reuben, and Manasseh had instead decided that the other land would be better than what the Lord had to offer. Sadly, their descendants suffered the most due to their settlement.
In life my biggest fear is that I’ll settle. Settle for a decent job…settle for husband….settle for what I consider is my “life’s purpose”. Nothing scares me more than the thought of one day hearing Jesus say: “You lived a good life, but you could’ve lived so much more. There was so much more that I had for you if you had only trusted and followed my leading instead of what you thought seemed good at the time.”
God has what is best for us. Sunday made me wonder if I really am trusting and willing to follow the Lord, believing His way is best; or if in some areas of my life, I’m still setting up a tent just East of the Jordan river
So often we settle for what we think is best, or what looks good at the time instead of what the Lord has set aside for us. Was the land east of the Jordan fertile? Yes. Was it beautiful? Yes. But, was it the Lord’s best? No. Gad, Reuben, and Manasseh had instead decided that the other land would be better than what the Lord had to offer. Sadly, their descendants suffered the most due to their settlement.
In life my biggest fear is that I’ll settle. Settle for a decent job…settle for husband….settle for what I consider is my “life’s purpose”. Nothing scares me more than the thought of one day hearing Jesus say: “You lived a good life, but you could’ve lived so much more. There was so much more that I had for you if you had only trusted and followed my leading instead of what you thought seemed good at the time.”
God has what is best for us. Sunday made me wonder if I really am trusting and willing to follow the Lord, believing His way is best; or if in some areas of my life, I’m still setting up a tent just East of the Jordan river
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
walls
Wounds are tricky. Some are very obvious and you are constantly aware of the need of healing. Others, it’s not till you’re in a situation that you realize you haven’t 100% dealt with elements of your past. Suddenly you look down and you are in full armor with cement in one hand, bricks in the other, ready to build that wall up at the first sign of invasion or attack.
Instead of putting them down, I just tell people I carry bricks and cement in case they happen to run into a wall I’ve quickly thrown up.
Probably would be easier to just put the bricks down. This means digging up the lies, figuring out the truth in the situation, and choosing to believe the Lord instead. Sounds so simple, and yet it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Why is it so hard to accept the truth?
Instead of putting them down, I just tell people I carry bricks and cement in case they happen to run into a wall I’ve quickly thrown up.
Probably would be easier to just put the bricks down. This means digging up the lies, figuring out the truth in the situation, and choosing to believe the Lord instead. Sounds so simple, and yet it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Why is it so hard to accept the truth?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Mac 'n Cheese
We are moving soon! And by “we” I mean Jamie, Katie and I. We have taken that big step and have leased a house in Atlanta and upon doing so have officially (and hopefully permanently) “left the nest”.
However, much to my chagrin I have to enter into the disciplined life of a budget. Granted, I’ve been paying my own bills and living on a budget for a couple of years now, however, living at home frees up a lot of income that sadly, now I will have to seal in an envelope and kiss good-bye every month. That’s going to hurt. However, I am decided and dedicated to sticking to this budget (not that I have a choice). I am taking this thing by the horns and will be disciplined and pull it off with flying colors. Sadly this means that the luxuries I use to experience, like eating, will be tight. Eating out will be a rarity, and planning all my meals at home will be necessity. I refuse to view this as a bad thing, I enjoy looking at issues in life and still seeing the glass as half full.
So here is my game plan:
Plan out all the meals and necessary ingredients and ONLY buy those. Last result will be grilled cheese, rice and beans, Easy Mac, and every one’s personal favorite Ramen Noodles (thought I said goodbye to that in college. Round 2). Here’s the “half full” part. Carbs are cheap. That is a great blessing! Thankfully I’ve recently developed a love for running and am training for 2 big races this year. The majority of this year I will be in some form of training, so I will be in desperate need of the before mentioned cheap carbs. This will prevent the typical response to large amounts of pasta and cheese …unpleasant weight gain. However, Jamie and I still fully anticipate losing weight due to the fact we just won’t be buying a lot of food. So, that works out great, losing weight and staying on budget…what’s bad about that!?
Then I realized…losing weight means our clothes won’t fit. And there is no money to fix that problem. Sigh. So you can’t win for losing…
But, we are moving on and growing up and I am excited about that, even if it means eating a lot of macaroni and cheese. It won’t be forever…and until then, Jamie’s boyfriend said he’d buy me a belt.
Stay posted for the adventures of living in Atlanta. I can almost guarantee they will be ridiculous.
P.S. we move in less than 2 weeks and I’ve ONLY packed my towels. Baby steps people…baby steps.
However, much to my chagrin I have to enter into the disciplined life of a budget. Granted, I’ve been paying my own bills and living on a budget for a couple of years now, however, living at home frees up a lot of income that sadly, now I will have to seal in an envelope and kiss good-bye every month. That’s going to hurt. However, I am decided and dedicated to sticking to this budget (not that I have a choice). I am taking this thing by the horns and will be disciplined and pull it off with flying colors. Sadly this means that the luxuries I use to experience, like eating, will be tight. Eating out will be a rarity, and planning all my meals at home will be necessity. I refuse to view this as a bad thing, I enjoy looking at issues in life and still seeing the glass as half full.
So here is my game plan:
Plan out all the meals and necessary ingredients and ONLY buy those. Last result will be grilled cheese, rice and beans, Easy Mac, and every one’s personal favorite Ramen Noodles (thought I said goodbye to that in college. Round 2). Here’s the “half full” part. Carbs are cheap. That is a great blessing! Thankfully I’ve recently developed a love for running and am training for 2 big races this year. The majority of this year I will be in some form of training, so I will be in desperate need of the before mentioned cheap carbs. This will prevent the typical response to large amounts of pasta and cheese …unpleasant weight gain. However, Jamie and I still fully anticipate losing weight due to the fact we just won’t be buying a lot of food. So, that works out great, losing weight and staying on budget…what’s bad about that!?
Then I realized…losing weight means our clothes won’t fit. And there is no money to fix that problem. Sigh. So you can’t win for losing…
But, we are moving on and growing up and I am excited about that, even if it means eating a lot of macaroni and cheese. It won’t be forever…and until then, Jamie’s boyfriend said he’d buy me a belt.
Stay posted for the adventures of living in Atlanta. I can almost guarantee they will be ridiculous.
P.S. we move in less than 2 weeks and I’ve ONLY packed my towels. Baby steps people…baby steps.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Only in Atlanta
Sometimes life is just ridiculous. Sunday night was one of those moments where you just stop and ask “Is this really happening?” As I continue to play, and hopefully soon live in the city, I’m realizing the only answer to that question is, “Only in Atlanta.”
Here’s the scene: At a friend’s high rise apartment in Midtown late Sunday night. We’ve just finished church and our usual Dinner/wine/Disney movie get-together that we do every Sunday. (Which is amazing by the way, however, the boys demand its getting too girly so next week is Gladiator and wine. Fine by me) I digress…so, I head out pretty late and walk to where my car is parked in the small parking lot in front of the high rise. There are literally only 8 spaces. I notice another car is parked next to mine but their lights are on and one of the doors is open. Hmm, slightly sketchy. Their driver’s side door is open and right next to my driver’s side hence causing a problem with me getting in my car. I come around the car and smile at the driver to show that he is going to need to close his door for me to get in my car. This is when I hear what sounds like water hitting the pavement….my first reaction is “OH GROSS! Someone is throwing up out of the car. This is uncomfortable.” The driver casts me an awkward apologetic face and then I notice why. From behind the door I can see someone’s head peeping over the top of the door and notice she is squatting. Oh yes…its going there. As soon as I notice this girl squatting I realize that the noise I hear is from her peeing behind the door on the concrete!!!
I immediately get really awkward and quickly walk away from the car “Sorry, sorry I didn’t see you. I just need to get to my car.” At the same time I’m wondering WHY AM I APOLOGIZING TO THE GIRL PEEING BY MY CAR!! Peeing is usually a private thing and I had felt like I had invaded hers. However, SHE WAS PEEING IN MIDTOWN, IN A PARKING LOT, BY MY CAR! (May I make note that she was 1.wearing a dress [at least she’s classy] and she was 2. peeing by the driver’s door and 3.the driver was there! [Either her boyfriend, babies daddy, husband…you pick]). So, she awkwardly got up and ran back around to the passenger side when she had finished. Which, also weird…you would think when someone catches you doing that you immediately stop and get back in the car. Oh no, she continued to relieve herself after I caught her.
So, I’m thinking, that’s just awesome. I can see the giant puddle right by my door. There was a very good chance I would step in it. If I tried to get in my car that way I would probably make eye contact with the public urinator and then they would watch me try to scamper around her urine. That’s really uncomfortable. I opted for climbing into my seat via the passenger door.
When I pulled out of the parking lot I made sure to give her a dirty look because I’m pretty sure my tires ran over her urine. I don’t even want to talk about how much that just grosses me out. Sigh. Only in Atlanta.
Here’s the scene: At a friend’s high rise apartment in Midtown late Sunday night. We’ve just finished church and our usual Dinner/wine/Disney movie get-together that we do every Sunday. (Which is amazing by the way, however, the boys demand its getting too girly so next week is Gladiator and wine. Fine by me) I digress…so, I head out pretty late and walk to where my car is parked in the small parking lot in front of the high rise. There are literally only 8 spaces. I notice another car is parked next to mine but their lights are on and one of the doors is open. Hmm, slightly sketchy. Their driver’s side door is open and right next to my driver’s side hence causing a problem with me getting in my car. I come around the car and smile at the driver to show that he is going to need to close his door for me to get in my car. This is when I hear what sounds like water hitting the pavement….my first reaction is “OH GROSS! Someone is throwing up out of the car. This is uncomfortable.” The driver casts me an awkward apologetic face and then I notice why. From behind the door I can see someone’s head peeping over the top of the door and notice she is squatting. Oh yes…its going there. As soon as I notice this girl squatting I realize that the noise I hear is from her peeing behind the door on the concrete!!!
I immediately get really awkward and quickly walk away from the car “Sorry, sorry I didn’t see you. I just need to get to my car.” At the same time I’m wondering WHY AM I APOLOGIZING TO THE GIRL PEEING BY MY CAR!! Peeing is usually a private thing and I had felt like I had invaded hers. However, SHE WAS PEEING IN MIDTOWN, IN A PARKING LOT, BY MY CAR! (May I make note that she was 1.wearing a dress [at least she’s classy] and she was 2. peeing by the driver’s door and 3.the driver was there! [Either her boyfriend, babies daddy, husband…you pick]). So, she awkwardly got up and ran back around to the passenger side when she had finished. Which, also weird…you would think when someone catches you doing that you immediately stop and get back in the car. Oh no, she continued to relieve herself after I caught her.
So, I’m thinking, that’s just awesome. I can see the giant puddle right by my door. There was a very good chance I would step in it. If I tried to get in my car that way I would probably make eye contact with the public urinator and then they would watch me try to scamper around her urine. That’s really uncomfortable. I opted for climbing into my seat via the passenger door.
When I pulled out of the parking lot I made sure to give her a dirty look because I’m pretty sure my tires ran over her urine. I don’t even want to talk about how much that just grosses me out. Sigh. Only in Atlanta.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
inspiration
So I’ve decided to do a Sprint Triathlon. I’ve wanted to have something that is “mine” and I could pour time and effort into. I just hadn’t decided what it was. My first thought was that I will train for 5 and 10K races (my body is not in fantastic shape and I could use a reason to start running again) but then I remembered. I HATE running. Well nix that idea. I wanted something I would have to use discipline to accomplish. Something that wouldn’t come quickly, but over time would have to be worked and strived for. Something that after the time, sweat, tears and exhaustion I poured into it I could complete and enjoy the satisfaction of finishing. And that’s when it came to me.
I was doing a cycling class at my gym and they started showing clips from Iron Man. Seeing all those people giving there all for this one race was so moving. I know it sounds silly, but when you think about what people have to sacrifice and endure to get their bodies in enough shape to run a full Iron Man it’s pretty ridiculous. There were hundreds of people all ages and ethnicities that were running this race. I watched in amazement wondering what it was that drove them to do this? What about this race was worth the grueling training and discipline that was required to actually finish? The biggest sense of relief and joy burst across their face as they crossed that line and embraced on looking family members and loved ones. They raced to win but even the competition couldn’t overshadow the personal victory of just finishing the race. Other racers, who moments before were opponents, ran to embrace the new racers that crossed the finish line in victory as if to say “Congratulations! You made it! Come celebrate with me!” Competition was forgotten and instead camaraderie over completion was all that was present. My immediate thought was “I could never do that.” And then I started to have a conversation with Jesus as I pedaled on my bike watching the film flicker across the wall.
Why couldn’t you do that? Because it’s physically impossible.
They did it so obviously it’s not. Yes, but I can only imagine the discipline and training they had to enter into to achieve that.
Does it look like it was worth it? Yes.
With me you could do this. Only with my help.
Jesus, you created me, you know I have endurance issues with athletics. (I played defense in soccer because my lungs were never strong enough for forward. I was always a sprint swimmer because I couldn’t handle the long distances. Same story with track.)
Yeah, but I couldn’t.
Exactly. I can. You need to learn discipline and you need to learn what its like to have me do something through you. When you cross that finish line you will know the only reason you got there was because of Me. Let’s do this together. Not necessarily the Iron Man, let’s start off small. I have a lot to teach you through this process. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
After that conversation I decided that I should definitely give it a try. I went home and signed up for a race in September. It’s the middle of June and I have about 3 months to get in race shape.
So here goes everything…
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