Dear Sir

Dear Sir in tight, small, yellow sophie shorts,
I respect your self expression via your work-out out fit. However, it makes me uncomfortable that your shorts are so vibrant, and also shorter than my own. When paired with your black tank top, I will agree you would make most Tech fans very happy and you slightly remind me of a chubby bumble bee. However, us being in a class like Body Pump where there is movement and stretching involved, your outfit tends to make me slightly nervous. Also, yellow shows sweat stains debatably worse than grey....

I fear that if there was an "incident" it would be something I would possibly need therapy for later; therapy I can't afford at the moment.

I also fear, that your shorts will be something I would have to tell my future husband about as a part of my "past".

I fear that you would show up to Yoga in this outfit, and in that case, I could run crying from the room.

I fear that the other men in our class will think "What a great idea! Sophie Shorts!" and that trend will catch on and then I will have to Body Pump with a blind fold on. Perhaps it would be yellow so that I would match everyone else.

These are my thoughts. Know that I write this letter in utter and complete respect....and also fear, as stated above. Please take my concerns into consideration the next time you select your Body Pump shorts.

Sincerely,
Monday Night Body Pump Class Attendee

Yoga

So many people think yoga is a peaceful, spiritual experience. These are my thoughts during yoga class and why I do not get closer to the Lord during this time:

How many downward dogs are we going to do?

Chataranga down to upward dog....chataranga to downward dog.....what is this a dance move??

This feels inappropriate...and probably looks inappropriate

Man the guys next to me are sweating a lot...

Should I be sweating?

Why am I not sweating?

I cannot physically do this position...my legs was not meant to bend this way!!

Oh no the instructor is coming over to correct my form!

This hurts!

No Chuck, that didn't feel good...please put my hips back where they belonged!!

My mat is too close to Jamie's.

If she falls over, she's going to sit on my head.

Hope she doesn't have indigestion.

Hope I don't have indigestion!

Yes I will attempt the headstand position!! Now this I can do!

Oh I can't do this!!

Whops...my shirt is falling down over my head...this is inappropriate.

Wait, every guy here is gay. Never mind.

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

Jamie looks hilarious.

*giggles

I look hilarious.

*giggles.

Pretty sure our instructor does not appreciate the humor we find in Bird of Paradise.

Namaste.

Unfailing Love

What would happen if you knew you were truly and deeply loved? Not liked, not tolerated, not forced; but out of choice, no strings attached, head over heals, deeply loved.
You'd walk with confidence. You'd live freely knowing that there was someone who intimately knew you and all your hang ups and loved you in spite of them.
There was nothing you could do to change that love. Nothing you could do or say to make them love you more or less.
It was an unselfish love. Love expecting nothing in return. Love with no conditions. That kind of love is powerful. That love protects. That kind of love would want only good things for you.
I have never loved like this. I will try over and over, but my imperfect human nature will foul me up every time.
We've all heard this before. That's only a love the Lord can have for us. If I had a quarter for every time I heard "God loves you" growing up....well, I would never work again. We even had a catchy song to help us remember:
Jesus loves me this I know.

But yesterday I realized...I know, but does that mean I believe it? Truly believe? Truly trust that?
My hairstylist said something super profound this week to me, I don't think he realized how hard it really hit me. We were talking about listening to the Lord and he said, "You can listen to someone but not really hear them. Listening and hearing are two different things."
So is knowing and believing.
I KNOW 6 cups of coffee isn't good for me...but I obviously don't believe it because I still drink close to 5 daily.
I KNOW too much sun can give you cancer...but I don't truly believe that or I'd wear higher SPF than 15.
I BELIEVE drugs are bad....I don't do them.
I BELIEVE exercise is necessary to stay healthy.....so I run.

I KNOW God loves me.....but I must not believe it fully or the way I live my life would reflect that totally different.

On the drive home yesterday, Lord was just revealing to me why I struggle in that area. It's a holy love...and unfailing love...and my simple human mind cannot grasp a love without mess ups or I'm sorry...or pain. We've all been hurt by people who love us. We're human.
Read in Psalms, and almost every time it talks about God's love for us the word "unfailing" comes before it. Unfailing by definition means: everlasting, inexhaustible, infallible. not liable to fail.

I realize I live my life thinking God's love will fail for me. Eventually I'll exhaust Him enough...screw up too much....etc etc and it will change how He loves me.
Heard Him say "If you simply understood the depth of my love for you, you would live so much more free"
There's so much rest in that kind of love. No need to worry, someone who loves me more than anything is sovereign and in control. He wants good things for me. He has good works planned for those that love him. Because of His love for me, I can love others without expecting or needing anything from them. Believing and accepting that kind of love and really walking in that would result in a life so poured out. How much more could he do through me if I truly understood His heart and desire for me?
My job: Receive this love. believe this love. return His love...and my favorite part: rest in this love which results in living/sharing/pouring out freely into others...

Benediction by Jimmy Needham always reminds me of this, the ultimate act of love:
"Hanging out for 6 hours. Marred beyond recognition
In complete submission to his fathers will still
A proclamation was made,
Louder than the loudest temptation
with more beauty than all his creation
more eternal than eternity
more angelic than the heavenlies.
It. is. Done.
You were bought with blood.
Accept and rejoice for freedom has come."

Unexpected

I miss the country. Living in the city is amazing....but finding time to get away from everything is harder than it was when I lived in Athens. In college, (this wasn't super smart!) I use to drive out to the open farm land after getting off at Jittery Joes. This was usually sometime after 11 or close to midnight, and would just park my car in a field and lay on the hood and watch the stars. I've always loved watching the stars. It takes a lot of time and patience so sit there and just stare at the sky...waiting for something to shoot across the night sky. I did this a lot during winter months and would keep giant blankets in my trunk in case an impromptu moment called and I found myself driving to the end of Milledge to my claimed plot of farm land.
I had so many nights of awesome alone time with the Lord...praying...blasting Sean McDonald from inside the car and singing at the top of my lungs. Beauty of the country, you can't bug anyone out there with the music...or with my singing! Spending time in nature is just one of those things for me that just rejuvenates my soul...I feel closer to the Lord. Not sure if it's because all of life's biggest distractions are far from my access, or because nature is just so beautiful...or because of the quiet that comes.
Honestly, I think college was the last time I was able to do that. However, a few weeks ago I went up to the mountains with some friends to spend some time hanging out. A random drive in the truck to see a reservoir turned into an awesome adventure as the night crept in. Everyone seemed in need of just being outside and driving in the country. The drive in the back of the truck bed alone was amazing...wind blowing....too fast to really talk....and the scenery was too pretty to miss anyway!
We randomly stopped at a big open field on our way back to the house. At first I didn't know what we were doing, and then I noticed the sun was starting to set and where we had parked provided a beautiful view.
Hillsong was turned up and the windows of the truck came down.
We all sat on the truck bed ...silent; just watching. I moved to a giant fence at the edge of the field for a better view...and to just take in more of being outside. A couple people joined me. And we sat. Quiet. Listening. Just being.
I think that is what I miss most.
Just being.
Nothing else going on.
No noise besides night bugs and worship music in the distance.

Then, in the peaceful serenity...one of the guys turned and looked at us with an awesome smile and took off through the field! The grass was up past his knees and there was a huge hill in the distance where the sun was setting.
A couple of us watched for a minute....he sped through the grass....on a mission....bounding if you will because the grass was so tall. We only watched for a moment...and then without a word being said, I looked at the guy next to me, and we both darted off the fence following the path up the hill! So much joy and laughter is involved when running through a tall grass field. I of course tripped and fell...but pulled myself together to continue the run. It was exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. It had probably been years since any of us had run through a field like that....
Once we reached the top of the hill, the scenery before us was even more beautiful than at the bottom of the field. We turned and saw behind us the rest of the group bounding through the grass to join us! Then we watched the sun slip away behind the horizon.
I'm use to experiencing all of that alone, however, even with everyone there, the presence and serenity of the Lord was felt.
It wasn't Athens, and there were no stars, but it was just what I needed: Gainesville and a field. Thankful for blessings that sneak up on you.

a good struggle

23.
24 in a matter of weeks…days….I guess you could even say hours. (it would be a large number though).
I told my roommate there was a good chance of a meltdown when I turned 24. She said that wasn’t allowed till 25…so I guess I have a year to wait for that one. In lue of not being allowed an age meltdown I’ve still been processing and ping-ponging the whole “so I’m almost 24..what am I doing with my life!?” phrase that tends to creep up when milestones like New Years and birthdays happen.
Some remind me that I’m still a “baby” and I have plenty of time to figure it out…other people *cough* dad *cough* encourage me that I’m not a baby and I do need to start planning/figuring out where I’m going and what I want to do.
And here in that lies my dilemma.

If you don’t know where you’re going…how do you figure out the best way to get there?

There’s the phrase, “Not all who wander are lost” however, I will be the first to admit that I am wandering….and it’s not because I want to be.
In general where do I want to end up: closer to the Lord and growing spiritually…doing whatever it is He has planned for me….marriage…a family. But all of those (besides spiritual growth) are kind of tricky to plan for. And the main concern right now, as I’ve talked about before, is more so where/what the Lord wants me to be doing. It’s definitely one of those things I feel like I’ve been struggling through the past year and half. Feeling like I’m not doing anything…or wasting time. And, as the Lord loves to do…when I need it most He sheds some light on the subject in some shape or form:

“When you’re waiting, you’re not doing nothing. You’re doing the most important something there is. You’re allowing your soul to grow up. If you can’t be still and wait, you can’t become what God has created you to be.” –Sue Monk Kidd

Through this past year I’ve realized I’m not patient. I want to know the answer and then get to work on whatever it is. I remember as a kid, Harrison and I would ask Dad things and instead of giving us the answer he would let us “sit there and think about it”. Nothing would drive me crazier!! He wanted us to figure some things out for ourselves instead of giving us the easy answer. Amazing how wisdom and extreme annoyance can often pair together.
Continued reading last night and was hit with this:

“What has happened to our ability to dwell in the unknowing’ to live inside a question and coexist with the tensions of uncertainty? Where is our willingness to incubate pain and let it birth something new? What has happened to patient unfolding, to endurance? These things are what form the ground of waiting .And if you look carefully, you’ll see that they’re also the seedbed of creativity and growth- what allows us to do the daring and to break through to newness.” –Sue Monk Kidd

After reading that I was left more encouraged. It’s ok I’m not 100% sure where I’m going. God has me here for a reason…to learn and trust Him through the struggle…it will grow and produce in me the characteristics He is trying to harvest. He will continue to reveal more as we go…but for now, the struggle is good. It’s hard…but it causes a necessary faith and dependence on Him to guide me. If God just revealed to me every detail of his plan, faith/trust in Him would be non-essential. Intimacy develops during those times when you have to press in deeper to follow. So hear we go…

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Forgotten God

Just finished reading “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan. Very good read…have to take it chapter by chapter to make sure you soak all of it up. I probably still need to go back and re-read half of it!
Between finishing the book last night and a “spirit led” encouragement email from a dear friend this morning I just love seeing how God uses so many different areas of your life to get a major point across.
The overall theme of Forgotten God was living a spirit filled life and living, working, being aware of how important the Holy Spirit is in our life…and how necessary for the work He has called us to! The part that really struck me was how important it is to pray and relinquish control to the spirit and let him literally work through you. I will go days on end without even thinking to ask the Lord why he woke me up that morning. Did the Lord want me to go to work , run, spend time with my roommates….sure. However, what other deeper more eternal work was there that I missed because I got caught up in my own life. I so quickly forget that He wakes me up everyday to complete HIS work….to fulfill His will…whether it’s to grow deeper in my relationship with Him, or love on His children or bring glory to Him in countless other ways. I forget. I don’t ask, and I live as if my purpose for my time here is to work 9-5 and live for the weekends. How mundane. How boring! No wonder so many of us are discontent and unsatisfied! We’re not living our life to the fullest and to what He intended for us!

"Pick at random a score of great saints whose lives and testimonies are widely known. Let them be Bible characters or well known Christians of post-Biblical times. You will be struck instantly with the fact that the saints were not alike.... I venture to suggest that the one vital quality which they had in common was spiritual receptivity. Something in them was open to heaven, something which urged them Godward. Without attempting anything like a profound analysis I shall say simply that they had spiritual awareness and that they went on to cultivate it until it became the biggest thing in their lives. They differed from the average person in that when they felt the inward longing they did something about it. They acquired the lifelong habit of spiritual response. " –Tozer

I realize I don’t live my life thinking that I can have the same impact that James, or Paul, or Martin Luther had…but they are no different than you and I except for they responded to the call the Spirit had on their lives! Each of us have a different calling by the spirit….and it will look different in each of our lives….but as for me, I know I very rarely ask for the Spirit to do his work in me. Or invite opportunities to be used! That’s all the Lord is waiting for….people to be willing to be used!
And when you’re used by the Spirit….ridiculous things happen! People that I know that regularly die to themselves and are open to the spirit’s moving have some of the most crazy, God glorifying stories I’ve ever heard.
What would it look like to live a life so moved and directed by the spirit that someone couldn’t look at your life without giving praise to God because they know the things that are happening are only because of His power!

After Peter and John performed miracles, the people watching them , “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” – Acts 4:13.
Their works did not bring them praise...but instead immediately brought recognition to Christ.
Last summer I experimented with this and tried praying for opportunities to be used by the Lord in whatever manner he wished. Not gonna lie I was kind of afraid to pray that (maybe because I knew God would take me up on the offer!). At the time I worked at CFA as a marketing director and the prayer had literally left my lips as I was walking out into the restaurant from the back of the store. As soon as I opened the door I saw the line was packed with 20 people! I hurried to help. After about a minute I started to realize that everyone in line was an adult…and that they had a mental or physical handicap. The special needs home near us had brought them all to CFA for a lunch field trip! Immediately I heard the Lord chuckle and say “you asked for an opportunity…how bout a bus full!” I got super excited and just spent the next hour visiting and loving on them realizing that the Lord had brought them here today to be served and loved on. I cannot express how joyful it was to spend time with them! In that moment I just realized how much more of a blessing it was to know that the Lord had wanted me to serve them. Did the Lord bring the bus because I prayed? No. I believe I was blessed and was able to pour more into them because by praying the Lord made me more aware of how I was serving Him that day. Sadly, I forget so often to do this! But between the book, and the email today it just made me realize how often I live my life short of what He’s called me to…and in that I miss out on so many blessings and opportunities to glorify Him. I’m going to try to live more aware of the spirit’s moving….and not be surprised when a bus shows up!

2010 Beach Trip

Just came back from our 2nd Annual Beach Trip. That trip single handedly brings me so much joy and reminds me how good it feels to laugh till my stomach hurts and tears role down my face. We always take jumping pictures, people have learned this about us. I'm convinced that one day when I have a family of my own I will still be taking these (My own family does this!) There is just too much laughter that comes from them....and in my book laughter has no maturity limit! That being said, here's a glimpse at the 2010 attempts....

These pictures are a perfect examples of all our personalities....


Roommates! Love it. Please make note of Katie's "barbie" arms and apparent peg leg. Jamie is fully committed. I've had better.

Jamie and I have been jumping for years....it's a skill. This one we gave it all we had!
This one was in honor of the '09 Jumps. Year so good I doubt we will ever be able to repeat the hilarity of those jumps. The faces and arm positions of this jump however are pretty impressive!


Last but not least, picture of all the girls. Of all the places to eat in Destin we would find the Mexican Restaurant. Ladies- what a good trip! Counting down the days till next year!

(L to R: Megan, Katie, myself, Lauren, Jamie)