walls

Wounds are tricky. Some are very obvious and you are constantly aware of the need of healing. Others, it’s not till you’re in a situation that you realize you haven’t 100% dealt with elements of your past. Suddenly you look down and you are in full armor with cement in one hand, bricks in the other, ready to build that wall up at the first sign of invasion or attack.

Instead of putting them down, I just tell people I carry bricks and cement in case they happen to run into a wall I’ve quickly thrown up.
Probably would be easier to just put the bricks down. This means digging up the lies, figuring out the truth in the situation, and choosing to believe the Lord instead. Sounds so simple, and yet it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Why is it so hard to accept the truth?

Mac 'n Cheese

We are moving soon! And by “we” I mean Jamie, Katie and I. We have taken that big step and have leased a house in Atlanta and upon doing so have officially (and hopefully permanently) “left the nest”.
However, much to my chagrin I have to enter into the disciplined life of a budget. Granted, I’ve been paying my own bills and living on a budget for a couple of years now, however, living at home frees up a lot of income that sadly, now I will have to seal in an envelope and kiss good-bye every month. That’s going to hurt. However, I am decided and dedicated to sticking to this budget (not that I have a choice). I am taking this thing by the horns and will be disciplined and pull it off with flying colors. Sadly this means that the luxuries I use to experience, like eating, will be tight. Eating out will be a rarity, and planning all my meals at home will be necessity. I refuse to view this as a bad thing, I enjoy looking at issues in life and still seeing the glass as half full.
So here is my game plan:
Plan out all the meals and necessary ingredients and ONLY buy those. Last result will be grilled cheese, rice and beans, Easy Mac, and every one’s personal favorite Ramen Noodles (thought I said goodbye to that in college. Round 2). Here’s the “half full” part. Carbs are cheap. That is a great blessing! Thankfully I’ve recently developed a love for running and am training for 2 big races this year. The majority of this year I will be in some form of training, so I will be in desperate need of the before mentioned cheap carbs. This will prevent the typical response to large amounts of pasta and cheese …unpleasant weight gain. However, Jamie and I still fully anticipate losing weight due to the fact we just won’t be buying a lot of food. So, that works out great, losing weight and staying on budget…what’s bad about that!?
Then I realized…losing weight means our clothes won’t fit. And there is no money to fix that problem. Sigh. So you can’t win for losing…
But, we are moving on and growing up and I am excited about that, even if it means eating a lot of macaroni and cheese. It won’t be forever…and until then, Jamie’s boyfriend said he’d buy me a belt.

Stay posted for the adventures of living in Atlanta. I can almost guarantee they will be ridiculous.

P.S. we move in less than 2 weeks and I’ve ONLY packed my towels. Baby steps people…baby steps.

Only in Atlanta

Sometimes life is just ridiculous. Sunday night was one of those moments where you just stop and ask “Is this really happening?” As I continue to play, and hopefully soon live in the city, I’m realizing the only answer to that question is, “Only in Atlanta.”
Here’s the scene: At a friend’s high rise apartment in Midtown late Sunday night. We’ve just finished church and our usual Dinner/wine/Disney movie get-together that we do every Sunday. (Which is amazing by the way, however, the boys demand its getting too girly so next week is Gladiator and wine. Fine by me) I digress…so, I head out pretty late and walk to where my car is parked in the small parking lot in front of the high rise. There are literally only 8 spaces. I notice another car is parked next to mine but their lights are on and one of the doors is open. Hmm, slightly sketchy. Their driver’s side door is open and right next to my driver’s side hence causing a problem with me getting in my car. I come around the car and smile at the driver to show that he is going to need to close his door for me to get in my car. This is when I hear what sounds like water hitting the pavement….my first reaction is “OH GROSS! Someone is throwing up out of the car. This is uncomfortable.” The driver casts me an awkward apologetic face and then I notice why. From behind the door I can see someone’s head peeping over the top of the door and notice she is squatting. Oh yes…its going there. As soon as I notice this girl squatting I realize that the noise I hear is from her peeing behind the door on the concrete!!!
I immediately get really awkward and quickly walk away from the car “Sorry, sorry I didn’t see you. I just need to get to my car.” At the same time I’m wondering WHY AM I APOLOGIZING TO THE GIRL PEEING BY MY CAR!! Peeing is usually a private thing and I had felt like I had invaded hers. However, SHE WAS PEEING IN MIDTOWN, IN A PARKING LOT, BY MY CAR! (May I make note that she was 1.wearing a dress [at least she’s classy] and she was 2. peeing by the driver’s door and 3.the driver was there! [Either her boyfriend, babies daddy, husband…you pick]). So, she awkwardly got up and ran back around to the passenger side when she had finished. Which, also weird…you would think when someone catches you doing that you immediately stop and get back in the car. Oh no, she continued to relieve herself after I caught her.
So, I’m thinking, that’s just awesome. I can see the giant puddle right by my door. There was a very good chance I would step in it. If I tried to get in my car that way I would probably make eye contact with the public urinator and then they would watch me try to scamper around her urine. That’s really uncomfortable. I opted for climbing into my seat via the passenger door.
When I pulled out of the parking lot I made sure to give her a dirty look because I’m pretty sure my tires ran over her urine. I don’t even want to talk about how much that just grosses me out. Sigh. Only in Atlanta.

inspiration

So I’ve decided to do a Sprint Triathlon. I’ve wanted to have something that is “mine” and I could pour time and effort into. I just hadn’t decided what it was. My first thought was that I will train for 5 and 10K races (my body is not in fantastic shape and I could use a reason to start running again) but then I remembered. I HATE running. Well nix that idea. I wanted something I would have to use discipline to accomplish. Something that wouldn’t come quickly, but over time would have to be worked and strived for. Something that after the time, sweat, tears and exhaustion I poured into it I could complete and enjoy the satisfaction of finishing. And that’s when it came to me.
I was doing a cycling class at my gym and they started showing clips from Iron Man. Seeing all those people giving there all for this one race was so moving. I know it sounds silly, but when you think about what people have to sacrifice and endure to get their bodies in enough shape to run a full Iron Man it’s pretty ridiculous. There were hundreds of people all ages and ethnicities that were running this race. I watched in amazement wondering what it was that drove them to do this? What about this race was worth the grueling training and discipline that was required to actually finish? The biggest sense of relief and joy burst across their face as they crossed that line and embraced on looking family members and loved ones. They raced to win but even the competition couldn’t overshadow the personal victory of just finishing the race. Other racers, who moments before were opponents, ran to embrace the new racers that crossed the finish line in victory as if to say “Congratulations! You made it! Come celebrate with me!” Competition was forgotten and instead camaraderie over completion was all that was present. My immediate thought was “I could never do that.” And then I started to have a conversation with Jesus as I pedaled on my bike watching the film flicker across the wall.
Why couldn’t you do that? Because it’s physically impossible.
They did it so obviously it’s not. Yes, but I can only imagine the discipline and training they had to enter into to achieve that.
Does it look like it was worth it? Yes.
With me you could do this. Only with my help.
Jesus, you created me, you know I have endurance issues with athletics. (I played defense in soccer because my lungs were never strong enough for forward. I was always a sprint swimmer because I couldn’t handle the long distances. Same story with track.)
Yeah, but I couldn’t.
Exactly. I can. You need to learn discipline and you need to learn what its like to have me do something through you. When you cross that finish line you will know the only reason you got there was because of Me. Let’s do this together. Not necessarily the Iron Man, let’s start off small. I have a lot to teach you through this process. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
After that conversation I decided that I should definitely give it a try. I went home and signed up for a race in September. It’s the middle of June and I have about 3 months to get in race shape.
So here goes everything…

Triathalon

Well I have done something that I never dreamed I would do. This past weekend I completed my first Sprint Triathlon. Don’t be confused this is not the infamous Iron Man. Take the intensity of Iron Man and divide it by 10 and that’s a Sprint. Small though it is, it is still pretty intense. A sprint includes ½ mile swim (16 laps in a pool), then 14 mile bike, and wrapped up with a nice 3.2 mile run.
I didn’t blog about the experience leading up to the race because I have been so busy, however, I think it has been such a great process so I’m going to break down my experience through several blogs ending with the actual race day. Don’t be confused, I will be writing in present tense even though we both know that the race is over…but for a couple blogs lets pretend its not and you can follow me on this crazy adventure. In the end, my hope is that you will be convinced that doing a sprint triathlon needs to be on your list of things to do…

"Very Doubtful"

I did one of those things I hate.

It's in the category of unrecoverable.

Thankfully only my grandfather saw me, but the mere fact that it happened embarrassed me.

In my defense it was dark outside and I was staying somewhere new for the first time.

But alas, there really isn't a good excuse.

I squinted my eyes to see if the glass door really was shut. It would have made more sense to actually reach my hand out to be extra sure, but then again this is me we are talking about. So, trusting my eyes, which tend to fail me often, I stepped out in faith.

Faith laughed when I ran straight into the closed glass door.

I sighed in embarrassment.

Pop snickered.

I opened the door and wondered if I was ever going to not do stupid stuff like that. If I had a Magic 8 Ball I'm pretty sure it would read "Very Doubtful."

thunder

I felt thunder shake the ground today. I haven’t experienced the sensation of that kind of power in a long time! It came rumbling over the distance and as soon as it hit my ears it also rolled along the ground and trembled underneath my feet. I was blown away. The sound was that great, that strong that the earth beneath me shook. I know I’ve felt thunder before; maybe I was just more aware today. It shook the highway and made my car tremor. It was amazing! In that instance I felt realization, awe and fear all at the same time. The realization that I am so small. Fear because something that is nothing more than a noise could cause the earth to shake and also startle me. Following all of this I was just in awe of God. He thought up the idea of Thunder... I usually think of it as a reaction to the temperature change that happens in storms. But that takes all the creativity out of God. I like to think of thunder as a creative aspect of storms, not a scientific occurrence.
I love laying in bed at night in the summer time and hearing the frequent summer showers coming in. I count the seconds between the claps of thunder and the lightening that sends light tearing into my pitch dark room. Flash….One, two, three, four….BOOM; 4 miles away. Flash…..one, two, three….BOOM; three miles away. This is my favorite way to fall asleep. I just love storms. I feel like its God’s way of reminding us just how big He is. I’m always aware of the Lord’s power during those storms and it gives me a good fear of the Lord and at the same time I’m so aware of his mercy that He doesn’t just blow me away with the leaves.
So here’s looking forward to many more summer rains…