Thursday, September 23, 2010

Word Vomit

I tend to be someone who will accidentally say what they are thinking.

OK, maybe not on accident. But I will verbalize them before giving my brain a moment to proof read the words that are about to fly out of my mouth.

This lovely habit has been the root of many embarrassing stories. Stories my longest and dearest friends will be the first to make sure you've heard.

However, this weekend, I allowed my word vomit to happen in the hopes of rescuing me. For the first time ever, it didn't work!

I'll set the scene:

Athens on Game Day.

A man that is closer in age to my mother had been talking to my roommate and myself throughout the tailgate and afterwards while we were waiting to meet up with some other friends.

We had mutual friends so there was no ending these conversations.

After attempting to "hit on" my roommate, who has boyfriend, he then moved on to me.

Lucky me.

I had just spent the better part of 5 minutes letting this man know that I was not his type, and would BORE him to tears if he were to take me out. Never have I ever tried to make myself sound boring to someone before! But when you're not interested, suddenly you will tell someone ANYTHING to get them to leave you alone.

Sir, I have 10 cats.
Really??
Will it make you leave me alone?
Maybe.
Then yes. I have 10 cats. They all sleep with me, and I call them all Kitty.
(Next time I'll try this approach.)

But I digress....

He was 40 going on 23. Also, not in the least bit close to having qualities of a guy I would go to dinner with.

At this point I'm getting desperate.

He is not getting the idea. He's draping his arm around my shoulder. I send "Help ME!" eyes to my friends, but alas, they are watching the TN v. FL game.

The music is loud. No one could even probably hear my cries for "Help" if I wanted to send out a verbal signal!

And that's when it happens. Life throws me a bone. The word vomit and habit of RIDICULOUS things happening to me provides an out!

This is how the last conversation transpires: (Remember, music is LOUD)

"You really need to get over this whole 'age' thing" - guy

" AIDS??? What AIDS thing??"- me

"When did we start talking about AIDS?" -me

"Do YOU have AIDS!!??" -me

(At this point it hits me. I just asked almost a complete stranger probably the most personal question there is. Likelihood of offending him: High. My next thought....GOOD!)

"NO! Not AIDS.....AGE!" - guy

I'm sure that he will leave me alone now. I just asked this guy if he had AIDS. I'm saved! No one recovers from that kind of question.

"You're not leaving here without giving me your number."- guy

Sigh. Word Vomit FAIL. Seriously sir?? I just asked you if you have AIDS.

5 minutes later I left.

I gave no one my number.

One day I will write a book. This story will be in it. Along with so many others that I only wish I could blog about.
But why ruin the surprise?

1 comment:

KWHIT said...

You are such a fun writer. I love to read your stories :)