Tuesday, June 21, 2011

God's Entertainment

Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole...hand someone a shovel and let them bury me.

I also think God is cruel...and that sometimes when He needs entertainment He removes all grace from my life, grabs some popcorn, yells for Michael and then they both sit back and watch.

I'm God's "How I Met Your Mother." or "Friends".
Yes. God would watch Friends, not Seinfeld. Just ask him.

Both my parents and the guy I'm dating's parents were in town this week. They missed each other by a DAY (high five, that was some excellent planning). Mine were out here to visit me since I've moved out to Colorado, and my boyfriends parents were moving his sister out here.
Anyway, it's been a fun week. Lots of laughter, horror stories from childhood, and several embarrassing moments.

It was fun having him meet my parents.

It was my worst nightmare meeting his.

Remember, I have no mental filter ( Word Vomit ) These are the things I have to worry about when meeting important people that haven't grown up with me, and don't understand I can't help it that I put my foot in my mouth often.
So we met briefly the first night and it was very easy and relaxing! They have an amazing family. Very welcoming and easy to be around! Walked away thinking, "That went great!".

So you know after you take a test that was really hard and you crammed, studied, downed some Red Bull and spent 3 hours taking it? You run out of the room, with a strong fist pump and think to yourself "ACED IT!"
Then you make the biggest mistake possible. You start comparing answers and talking to others who took it too.
Big mistake. HUGE.
Don't talk to anyone. You can't change your grade...or your answers. So remain in blissful ignorance until your teacher hands your test back and gives you a look that makes you wonder if you failed...AND have cancer. That look is always the worst.
But I digress.....the point of the analogy is that's what happened to me. Thought I did awesome...then I started really thinking about it and suddenly I was nervous about hearing the report back.
My decision that night...BEST foot forward at dinner tomorrow night. I had this. Parent's usually loved me. Just needed to keep up the good work, and I'll have made it through with flying colors.
Enter God and the removal of grace.

That night at a very nice dinner I was telling a pleasant, harmless story about how on vacation I love to read on the beach.
Simple enough right?
It's me. Nothing is simple.
I'm not sure whether I was talking to fast or my bad habit of talking in accents kicked in, but instead of "beach" I let his family know that "I love to sit on the b#$*h and read.
Yup, the b#$%h.
There it was. Cursed in front of his parents. There was no taking it back. It was on the table and I felt myself sinking into the booth and my mother dying back in Georgia.

And oh, they caught it. His dad then proceeded to make a joke, thankfully rescuing me from infinite embarrassment.
But, I didn't want them to leave dinner and remember me from that incident. So right after dessert I made sure to "schmear" chocolate fondue across my forehead.
Don't worry his sister caught that and followed it with a point and laugh.

Then the clouds opened up and God said "I hate you Cameron." (Little Rascal's quote)


Natalie said...

Cameron whyyyy!

Cameron said...

At least I didn't say " Hi, I'm Nan" :)

Stephanie said...

Re: "Hi, I'm Nan" :)

Where's the "like" button when I need one?!?!?!

Eliza said...

Oh Cam! That is hysterical! Well, feel free to know I'm sure I will have plenty of similar stories after meeting my Jordan's parents as well. :)

Mary said...

oh tammy.