Automatic Failure

You know those things in life that no matter how hard you try if one thing goes bad than the whole thing is just an automatic failure.

You play really awesome in the soccer game...however, you score in your own goal. Automatic Failure.

You look amazing and said everything right in the interview, but you trip on your way out the door. Automatic Failure.
That's how I feel about buses. I can get ready as fast as possible...be out the door on time....showered....ate breakfast....but if I pull off my street and that big yellow bus passes by in front of me....AUTOMATIC FAILURE!

Oh how I hate the bus. My heart literally drops and I fight every urge to bang on my steering wheel and yell obscenities when I get stuck behind the neighborhood bus. I plan my life around the bus. I know exactly when that thing comes down my street...to the minute. I know I have about 3 minutes to haul it to my car and beat it out my drive way. Oh, and I will pull out in front of one, without a moments hesitation, because I know that getting stuck behind the heifer will tag on at least 10 min to my drive time. And when you already sit in traffic for an hour....10 min can just about kill you. And if that doesn't, than my blood pressure will.

So today...doing good. Ready. Packed a lunch (bonus points!). Headed out the door and I see the object of my utter hatred pass by my house...almost as if to mock my good morning. Obscenities...run to my car and peal out in hopes to pass it somewhere along the way. (Which that never happens...once behind a buss...always behind the dag um bus). As I drive I hope and pray that maybe this bus has extra stops on some side streets that I don't go on. Futile to hope. Or maybe...the bus driver is super speedy today and by the time I get on the main road he has flown down the street...doors wide open with kids jumping in as he goes. Kind of like the strongest survive. Kids that don't make the jump...no school. Good luck tomorrow. I think we should put that idea to work.
Much to my chagrin...bus is poking along down the Main drive...which I'm pretty sure that's a requirement for bus drivers. Must be monotonously slow. And of course..this bus is not a high school bus...which would then speed up the process because those kids are like pros at this by now.
How long you been riding?
Oh you know...10 years.
Wow!
ya..its a skill.
No. No professional riders. This bus is for elementary. Might as well call the "take absolutely forever because these kids can barely walk let alone get on the bus and their mothers are crying and must wave 19 times to their 'baby' on their 4th day to school" bus.

Bitter..you bet.

So....little johnny is waiting by the driveway with mom. So I immediately feel bad for getting angry. Mom waves...johnny walks to the bus. Mom waves some more...puts her hand to her mouth as if to stifle a cry. (please) And then ensues the longest 5 min of my life. I don't know what went on in that bus.After johnny got on I swear the bus just stayed there and hung out for another 5 min just to make me angry...and late. I sat there wondering what could have happened....Johnny trip and wipe out ...is he waving out every window to mommy dearest as he makes his way to the back...did he drop his lunch...or is the bus driver just leaving ample time for the mom to cut the invisible umbilical cords and let her baby go to school! Meanwhile, the mom is still furiously waving at the non moving school bus and notices the backed up traffic.

She smiles at me.

I smile back...and whisper words of disdain under my breath.

FINALLY the bus moves....I smile and wave at the mom, meanwhile, making a mental note of what time Johnny gets on the bus and how I will never again leave my house at 7:34 ever again.