Traffic is bad. It just is. There is no way getting around it sometimes. It's like Fried chicken. It's always bad for you...no ifs ands or buts. That food will clog your arteries fast. Doesn't matter if you eat it in the morning...at night...or as a late night snack. It will eventually kill you. Same idea with traffic. In the morning...bad....afternoon...worse. And today was probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen! However, I made it home in just 35 min when it should have taken my probably an hour and a half. (oh yes I've sat in traffic that long)
What's my trick? While working in Atlanta I have developed and honed a new skill. A skill I like to call traffic wizardry. That's right, I have become a pro at rush hour. I'm the ruler of the roads......master of mayhem......highness of the highway.
Today's traffic seriously reminded me of what war in other countries must look like. About an hour before I left work I heard on the radio about a huge wreck over off of "highway to hell" right under Spaghetti Junction and I knew I was in for a treat! By the time I got off of work that impressive display of stupid driving would be backed up all the way to my exit. expletives. So I left work with my mind set....I WILL not sit and rot in traffic today. Not today. My day had already been extremely long and tiring...I just couldn't handle sitting in a parking lot that was suppose to be a highway.
And that's when I learned my amazing traffic avoiding skills. Its fascinating what you can do when you put your mind to it!
I saw those awful red brake lights backed up all the way to my exit....SEVERAL miles from supposed "worst wreck ever!". Also... it was raining which means people are dumber today. Don't ask me why...but you throw a little precipitation into rush hour and suddenly 5 year old's are behind the wheel, and I-85 turns into a bumper car version of Nascar; except cars don't bounce off of each other...they smash into one another and block off 3 lanes of traffic. That was my scenario here.
Three lanes taken victim.
Outlook...bad.
Also I could see a helicopter in the distance...perfect, this wreck is so awesome its newsworthy. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Then...as if a light bulb went off....I remembered...Access Roads. BRILLIANT! If my calculations were correct and if this wreck really did happen just under Spaghetti Junction...I had just enough access roads to circumvent this traffic jam. I started off....so far so good....over one exit...continuing along side absolutely stopped traffic. Guilt kicked in here. All those people are just sitting there slowly losing their minds and I'm flying by at a whopping 45 mph (that's fast for traffic) on an access road. And then I wondered...this is too good to be true...this must be illegal.
You know how cutting through parking lots to avoid lights is illegal...yet such a good idea...I felt that this is what I was doing. Any minute I would get pulled over and the cop would say, " Now missy, what makes you think that you can just drive around traffic when everyone else has to sit in it?"
At this point I didn't care. I had beat the system! After about 15 min or so of driving down access roads I pass over Spaghetti Junction (via access road) and saw the damage. Oh it was bad. Several blinking signs cutting off several lanes. No one was moving. Millions of police cars were there and a helicopter circled. As I watched them in my rear view mirror I got off the bridge and found myself amongst absolutely no traffic. It had all cleared up after the wreck.
I smiled,
then gave one huge fist pump of victory and laughed in traffic's face. After all...traffic always wins in the morning. But sometimes....if I stay on my toes...I get the last laugh at the end of the day.
I pulled into my driveway utterly satisfied and feeling somewhat powerful...genius if you will. And that, my friends, is how you become master of the roads.
(I should be getting that award any day)
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