P.S. I forgot my lunch today.

Ever have those days where its a small victory to make it to work in one piece?

That's me everyday.

Sometimes I feel like I need an iPhone App that cheers every time I do a normal thing correct.

Put clothes on...all of them ( Hurrah!)

Brought my lunch today (Hurrah!)

Remembered where I parked my car (Hurrah!)

Apple, get on that App ASAP.

Maybe even after an especially challenging morning the App would alert all your appointments that day "Cameron has already accomplished so much beyond her usual power that she has the rest of the day off!" Go home, today has been a feat already! Congratulations.

No, but seriously ya'll....I really think there is a part of my brain that didn't develop...EVER. God must have been distracted when He was creating me and left a part out. That, or my mother ate too many rainbow Popsicles during development.

Today I ran out the door and left my purse.

How many years have I been carrying my purse? Oh, at least 10. But nope, this is the second time in two weeks I've forgotten it. Today I remembered as I was driving away; not so lucky last week.

I use to HATE carrying a purse when I was younger, so I think there are remnants of my 13 year old self who still refuses to believe I use a purse.

She wins on occasions.

Decided to cook dinner for my "family" out here. Bought all the groceries during my lunch break and reminded myself 10 times "Cam, don't forget to grab the groceries before you leave!"

Got all the way home...no groceries. I was babysitting so I had to take the baby, who we lovingly call "Bug", and had to drag her all the way to work. We were locked out so had to bang on someones window to let me in. Don't worry, I'd totally let a frazzled girl with a baby on her hip into the office building ...wouldn't you?

Had a Tri race this past weekend. I was putting on my wetsuit and realized I had put my sports bra on inside out *sigh*

It makes me slightly worried for my future kids...

There's already a running joke amongst my college friends that my kids will probably never wear shoes and will resemble Pig Pin from Peanuts and be perpetually followed by a looming cloud of dust.

I'm sorry kids.

These tendencies of mine make me fear the worst for my future, and thus I have decided to write small letter to my future kids. For those of you that know them one day, please remind them that their mother loves them and can't help that she is forgetful. You can tell them that I've always been this way.

Dear Future Children,

I'm sorry I put leashes on you. I will pay for the counseling you will probably need from the psychological damage that caused. Know that it wasn't because I was worried you would run away, but because I was afraid I would forget or lose you.

Love always,

Your Scattered Brained Mother

Home

Today I miss home. Georgia.

I know that home never stays the same. People are coming and going. Friends change. People get married. People move. Jobs transfer. However, there are those periods of time the Lord is kind and allows us to spend time, years, with people we love. We grow together. We laugh and cry. They know us; the good, the bad, and the weird.

Today is one of those days where I miss those moments. Those people.

Since I've been gone two of my best friends have gotten engaged.

Katie has had a special place in my heart since we shared an epic experience at a Christmas party back at UGA. After exam studying, a remainder of a bagel, and 4 years later not many can make me laugh like she can; or see deep into who I am. She's marrying my best friend from high school, and it makes me sad that I've missed her entire engagement.

Jamie is the pea in my pod. She's my cradle to grave friend. We've been friends for almost 20 years now. We've seen each other through the awkward middle school years, laughed our way through highschool and even followed each other to college, where I'm pretty sure we laughed harder. She was my dearest friend through those changing years. We even lived together after college when we tried to figure out what being a grown up looked like! I remember when she first met her fiance and how he wanted to "train" with us for our Triathlon. That was just the beginning for them. I have the blessing of being the maid of honor in her wedding and wish I could be with her leading up to her big day.

\

Mary and Patrick bought a new house! They were some of my first college friends and were such crucial people in my life during and after college.

I've had friends lose loved ones and not been able to hug their tears away.

Christina has had a baby. I never got to see her pregnant, but I know she was beautiful! And now I know she is a beautiful mother. I can't wait to meet her little Isa.

My brother is back from traveling Central America. I'll get to see him come October, but it will have been 8 months since I saw him last. That's the longest I've ever gone without seeing him in his 23 years.

These are the things that break my heart.

Life continues on after you leave, and I hate that I'm missing so many significant moments in the lives of people I love.

I know God has called me out here for now and I'm excited to see his plan unfold, but that doesn't mean this road is without tears or homesickness.

Today I miss the smell of Georgia clay after the rain.

I miss driving down country roads in Athens and sitting on the back porch during warm summer nights.

I miss being 30 minute drive from 99% of the people that I love the most.

I miss being able to hug family.

I miss lightning bugs and stormy afternoons.

I miss water and time at the lake.

I miss seeing UGA stickers.....I even miss seeing FL stickers. (sad right?)

I miss laughing till the tears come with people that know me the most.

I miss my church.

I miss the comfort of things that are known and familiar.

I miss the South.

I miss my mom's home cooked meals and being able to spend time with family.

I miss being able to talk about cities, roads, and people and having others know exactly who/what I'm talking about.

I miss the people I've known for years.

I miss home.

God's Entertainment

Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole...hand someone a shovel and let them bury me.

I also think God is cruel...and that sometimes when He needs entertainment He removes all grace from my life, grabs some popcorn, yells for Michael and then they both sit back and watch.

I'm God's "How I Met Your Mother." or "Friends".
Yes. God would watch Friends, not Seinfeld. Just ask him.

Both my parents and the guy I'm dating's parents were in town this week. They missed each other by a DAY (high five, that was some excellent planning). Mine were out here to visit me since I've moved out to Colorado, and my boyfriends parents were moving his sister out here.
Anyway, it's been a fun week. Lots of laughter, horror stories from childhood, and several embarrassing moments.

It was fun having him meet my parents.

It was my worst nightmare meeting his.

Remember, I have no mental filter ( Word Vomit ) These are the things I have to worry about when meeting important people that haven't grown up with me, and don't understand I can't help it that I put my foot in my mouth often.
So we met briefly the first night and it was very easy and relaxing! They have an amazing family. Very welcoming and easy to be around! Walked away thinking, "That went great!".

So you know after you take a test that was really hard and you crammed, studied, downed some Red Bull and spent 3 hours taking it? You run out of the room, with a strong fist pump and think to yourself "ACED IT!"
Then you make the biggest mistake possible. You start comparing answers and talking to others who took it too.
Big mistake. HUGE.
Don't talk to anyone. You can't change your grade...or your answers. So remain in blissful ignorance until your teacher hands your test back and gives you a look that makes you wonder if you failed...AND have cancer. That look is always the worst.
But I digress.....the point of the analogy is that's what happened to me. Thought I did awesome...then I started really thinking about it and suddenly I was nervous about hearing the report back.
My decision that night...BEST foot forward at dinner tomorrow night. I had this. Parent's usually loved me. Just needed to keep up the good work, and I'll have made it through with flying colors.
Enter God and the removal of grace.

That night at a very nice dinner I was telling a pleasant, harmless story about how on vacation I love to read on the beach.
Simple enough right?
Nope.
It's me. Nothing is simple.
I'm not sure whether I was talking to fast or my bad habit of talking in accents kicked in, but instead of "beach" I let his family know that "I love to sit on the b#$*h and read.
Yup, the b#$%h.
There it was. Cursed in front of his parents. There was no taking it back. It was on the table and I felt myself sinking into the booth and my mother dying back in Georgia.

And oh, they caught it. His dad then proceeded to make a joke, thankfully rescuing me from infinite embarrassment.
But, I didn't want them to leave dinner and remember me from that incident. So right after dessert I made sure to "schmear" chocolate fondue across my forehead.
Don't worry his sister caught that and followed it with a point and laugh.

Then the clouds opened up and God said "I hate you Cameron." (Little Rascal's quote)

A Brisk Day

Cold.

Georgia can't touch Colorado cold.


I remember last month during snowpocalypse (What happens when Georgia gets 5 inches of snow and has only a few snow plows) I thought I knew what snow and cold weather was. We had walked in the snow to find firewood and had survived being snowed into our little Atlanta house for at least 3 days.
We were hardened Northerners. Professional Eskimos. We knew winter could be ugly, and we had finally gotten a taste of it below the Mason-Dixon line.


So wrong. So very wrong.


Enter Colorado.

Not even our second week out here we were getting temperatures lower than locals had seen in 14 years. (of course, right?)

My roommates and I cried reading the forecast: -14.

windchill..............-41.

-41! -41!! I didn't know that temperature existed! That's what we say when we're exaggerating in the South when we think it's cold outside.

"Is it cold out!?"

"YES! Gosh it's like -20 out there!" Real temperature: balmy 33 degrees.



When windchill is at -41 degrees your professors forbid you to run outside because your lungs can literally freeze. Not gonna lie, I'm thinking anyone stupid enough to WANT to run outside when it feels like this probably needs to die. Survival of the fittest anyone? I barely wanted to get out of bed, let alone go run in that madness.

At -41 degrees windchill your teeth hurt when you smile, therefore you stick to solely breathing out of your nose. Oh, but I forgot to mention, also at this temperature your nose hairs immediately freeze together. Both of these options being awkwardly uncomfortable usually results in people immediately starting to whine and cry upon first stepping outside trying to figure out how to function. You also run from your apartment to your car. At this temperature, you don't tend to linger long.


To make life more fun, Colorado snow doesn't lovingly drift towards the ground. This snow is angry and bitter and usually accompanied by intense horizontal winds that turn those cute snowflakes into death pellets. Just when you think -41 degrees can't get much worse.....having snow catapulted into your eye sockets doesn't feel that great either.

In all seriousness, it really has been pretty out here! Colorado for the most part has looked like an eternal Christmas card, or even a snow globe. It's gorgeous and peaceful. However, when those temps hit the negatives, snow globe turns to snow DEATH and suddenly I don't feel much like playing outside anymore.


On those days, we have found ways to entertain ourselves.......

Kansas

Had a friend tell me today that he thinks God created America from West to East, and that somewhere in the middle He got worn out so He incorporated 500 miles of wasteland. Now that I've almost driven completely across that state I'd have to agree.
Creative wasteland.
Nothing but fields; not even cattle, just land. Perhaps an occasional frozen lake, maybe.
And man was it dark.
Some of the darkest dark possible; which happens when there's nothing.
I would look in my side view mirrors and only see blackness, then experience a minor panic attack that I've lost my vision only to remember that I'm fine, there are just no headlights as far as the eyes can see.
No highway lights.
No stars.
No one else.
No nothing.

Driving on a highway alone at 8 pm is an experience that is rare after living in Atlanta. All I could see was full moon reflecting off snowy Kansas fields.
I believed that if I stopped the car and unrolled my windows I could possibly hear miles and miles of silence.
It was beautiful.
These kind of road trips are relaxing to me. Conversation ebbs and flows with Lauren as we drive across the bread basket of America.
Subjects ranging from deep discussion on forgiveness and forgetting, to cookies and attractive country singers. Thoughtful reflections while blaring One Republic and Mumford & Sons and quickly skipping over Black Eyed Peas simply because three times in one hour was more than we could take.
Car dances would occur and once again fade into a random conversation that would take both of us drifting into what this new season would hold.
Promises of change.
Wiser choices.
More miles.
Embracing newness instead of locking our knees.
Adventure and laughter.

Depth would dissolve into hunger as we'd rummage for my grandmothers chocolate chip cookies, a traveling staple, and count the miles till Kansas City BBQ.
Pit stops were always at Cracker Barrel. Where else could you use the bathroom and experience childhood nostalgia? The perfect storm.
I came out of the restroom to find Lauren lost amongst the Yankee Candles, proudly stating, "I've smelled ALL of them. Now let me tell you which ones are great and why."

This is why I love Lauren. This is why she came on this trip. To get lost smelling candles in a Cracker Barrel in the middle of Kansas.

We spent ten minutes smelling them and naming what memory, holiday, food or person each one smelled like. One smelled like men's aftershave or body wash.
Clean. Crisp. Rugged.
We breathed deeply, then quickly shelved it mutually agreeing that smell was dangerous.
Others smelled of Thanksgiving, clean laundry, beach memories, and my personal favorite: a cozy fire in a log cabin.
Yes, that's a smell. Blend of wood, cinnamon, and all things warm.

We returned to the 4Runner, which has become an extension of our bodies due to the last 14 hours we've spent in it. Mumford & Sons is turned up, and we head back into the dark nothingness.
I don't mind it anymore. It's restful.
Creates space for contemplation, and allows peace to creep in.
Lauren reads chapters from a book that spawn interesting questions, and even deeper thought.
Black eyed peas gets changed again and we settle into the haunting, relaxing sound of Brooke Fraser.
Road trips can be simple.
Sometimes the choice to find joy in the simple things makes all the difference. Simple things like, darkness and Yankee candles.